Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering, why, as we get older, do we start growing hair out of our ears?
We here in the Corporate Suites are trying to embrace the philosophy of “growing old with grace.” What, with already having to deal with graying beards and wrinkled eyes, now we have to start worrying about runaway nose hairs and unruly eyebrows. Older folks tell us, too, that’s not the half of it: Our feet will begin to flatten out and grow, people’s ears get bigger (our guess is, as our hearing gets worse, our ears need to grow and be more efficient at catching sound waves).
We have a couple of male friends – one in his 30s, the other in his 40s – who have starting growing hair right on top of their noses. The older of the two has to have his wife trim back his nose-top hairs regularly, otherwise he would be sporting a little goatee right on the tip of his nose. Thank God we don’t have that problem, but then again, we have a nice little pelt growing on our back these days. And, to top things off, we had a visit with our optometrist the other day, and he delivered the news one connotes as the harbinger of growing old: “You might want to start thinking about bifocals.” Ouch! He’s right, of course. We have begun to squint while reading the small print on cereal boxes. But bifocals. Grandma Summit Up wears bifocals for God’s sake. Now we will probably start getting gifts like pearl-studded leashes for our glasses. Let us postulate.
Moving away from age and some of the bad things related to it (next week, we shall start our column with all the good things about growing old – should be short and sweet), we turn to the longer days of spring. We know it is really spring out when we see more bikes on the road than Subaru Outbacks. That’s right, cyclists here in Summit County now out number the state car. We welcome the change and even enjoy the bright colors. We have never felt comfortable in day-glo anything, but we like it on all the pretty bodies cycling to and fro and from here to there. We have never really fancied ourselves out in the general public wearing bike shorts or any revealing Lycra bodywear, but just like with the bright colors, we welcome it on those of you out there with bodies of twisted steel.
Are we the only ones out there seeing this, or are some other of you “American Idol” fans noticing that Paula Abdul looks an awful lot like Michael and LaToya Jackson? Perhaps at the end of the final show, kind of like that Ozzy Osbourne commercial where his children morph into Donny and Marie Osmond, Paula Abdul is going to announce she is the incestuous child of Michael and LaToya.
Before we cut out of here, we would just like to Angelize a whole lot of good folks out there in our community who committed the selfless act of participating in town and county cleanups over the weekend. Consider yourself Angelized and glowing beneath your halo. We would like to keep the momentum going and make every day a cleanup day. Let’s join our pinkies together and make a pact – whenever we see candy wrappers and whatnot, let’s take a moment to pick them up and throw them away.
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