Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s wondering if our planet isn’t falling off its axis.
Forget global warming. We think maybe this grand spinning top we call home might be losing some of the ol’ angular momentum. That would put us here in Summit Up Land a little closer to what we used to call the North Pole and explain the grass dandruff we woke up to.
We know we all should be used to this sort of thing – living in the mountains and all – but maybe it’s just because the winter stunk so bad we didn’t think we’d be seeing anything like this during the spring.
We’re also wondering if al-Qaida hasn’t already attacked us. We don’t know about your experiences, but we’re pretty sure they’ve found an ingenious way to get to us: up through our shower drain. At least that’s the only explanation we have for why our toe is falling off. (Yes, you read that correctly; check it again if you have to.)
The field agents who know us best will argue against us; they’ll try to tell you our foot hygiene is about as good as a fish’s, which is to say, non-existent. We fervently refute such assertions, of course, and we’ll offer an inspection to anyone who doubts us … Hearing no takers, we’ll move on.
Anyway, out of nowhere, for no reason we can fathom, our toe is about to fall off. It’s not a cut, although it looks like one; and it’s not your typical itchy fungus sensation. So, obviously, someone has put a biological agent, not in our drinking water supply, but in the wastewater system, and it has crawled its way up into our bathtub to attack us from the toes up. You watch, come Monday, we’ll be telling you our ears are falling off.
We realize the preceding paragraphs border on the tasteless, but we’re just doing our homeland security duty by warning you.
An anonymous caller from Breckenridge was flabbergasted this morning: “Let’s hear it for Breckenridge running their sprinklers this morning,” he told us. “Can you believe it? Snowing like mad and they’re watering the lawn.”
He wasn’t sure what condo complex it was, but he said it was across from the bus stop at the F Lot.
Apparently, property managers don’t watch weather forecasts. Either that, or those automatic sprinkler computers are just too complicated to mess with. And why would any of us want to conserve water anyway?
More Congrats! for our local students doing well in the world of higher education. Give it up for David Joel Blake, who just picked up his bachelor’s degree in English from Hastings College in Nebraska. We hope the Silverthorne lad lucks out and finds a daily column of his own.
Good news from Capt. and Mrs. Ron Dull: Their daughter Caitlin Jennifer Dull graduated from CU Phi Beta Kappa, magna cum laude, with honors and with distinction with a dual major in Spanish and international affairs (say that 10 times fast and see if you don’t run out of breath). The 1998 Summit High grad is off to Europe for a couple months, then she’ll be returning to Boulder to start on her master’s degree in environmental policy. Something tells us she’s a smart lady.
Tell us all about your Saturday at
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just do your best puffin mating call on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out looking for a leak in our radiator …
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