Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column feeling all choked up.
No, we’re not getting emotional. No, we’re not getting sentimental. We’re getting choked.
There’s nothing quite like waking up in the middle of the night with your throat constricted to the diameter of a pencil because of some weird germ-bug-virus concoction. It’s a good thing we weren’t having one of the suffocation dreams in the first place. Then we really would have been freaked out.
But, hey, we’ve always wanted to see if we had the Aron Ralston-toughness to perform a tracheotomy on ourselves. Here goes …
Our discussion the other day about how we’re in love with bernaise sauce and how we have to put it on everything lately sparked a few responses. There are other sauce lovers out there, it seems.
We got an anonymous phone message telling us we need to try Durkee’s. “That will send you into another heaven,” the caller said. He tells us it’s great on sandwiches, “but I don’t know about fancy foods. I agree with you about bernaise, but it’s too rich for me.”
Pete e-mailed us from Ohio (he’s waiting for next spring so he can come out and ski again, he says). Pete’s roommate has an addiction problem, he writes.
“I have a roommate who puts ranch salad dressing on everything. It started out innocently enough with salads and vegetables. Then he started dipping pizza in it and that’s when it went off the deep end. I’ve seen him put it on brats and hotdogs frequently, and sometimes grilled chicken. He even says he used it on a hamburger one night while drinking. It seems he replaced ketchup with ranch dressing. He prefers Hidden Valley Light, not fat-free because you can taste the difference between the original and fat-free, but not light.”
We, too, have heard of this ranch dressing addiction. These people must be treated.
Finally, Marci in Sacramento, Calif. (did you ever imagine we had such a geographically-broad fan base?) e-mailed us to say good old-fashioned hot sauce is king.
“You can’t go wrong with hot sauce. It works on just about everything from mango, to cucumber, to fish, to plain Cheerios, to chicken, to sandwiches. Heck, it is THE perfect sauce. I could go on and on, but I’m off to lunch. My favorite all around one, by the way, is Tapitio. Cheerio!”
Hot sauce on Cheerios? OK, forget what we said about ranch dressing addicts. This poor girl needs help.
That’s about all the fun we can handle for one Sunday. If you’ll excuse us, we need to go find some forceps and open up a breathing passage. Any advice for re-engineering our breathing and digestive passages should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just describe the blueprints on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out struggling to swallow …
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