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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column ready to Grump Out.You read it right, folks. According to Smile Ambassador Janice Hathy of Florida, today is Great American Grump Out Day, a day set aside because people in Florida obviously don’t have anything else to do today.Just like the National Smoke-Out Day, smiley people everywhere will urge people to abstain from being grumpy. Just for a day! You can do it! Now, dangit! Wipe that $#@&^ smirk off your face!Imagine: no road rage in today’s fast-paced world. No violence in today’s stressed-out society. No grumpiness at all!New this year are Grump Out belly buttons, worn on the tummy and proclaiming if the tummy’s owner is an “innie” (in favor of being a grump) or an “outie,” (they want the grumps out!).The official fruit of this year’s Grump Out is the banana. Hold it one way and it’s a smile, turn it upside down and it’s a frown!Grump Patrol: Prior to Grump Out day, people should fax local radio stations and let them know why someone at their jobsite needs a personal visit by the Grump Patrol.Does this make you wonder why people have so much time on their hands? We work four jobs! Don’t they?! It’s making us downright grumpy.***Oh, did we have fun Saturday, hitting all the garage sales around the county! We’d like to consider ourselves Garage Sale Professionals, but we’ve seen better. We have seen people rip through boxes upon boxes of clothing to find a red and blue plaid ascot at the bottom – just what they were looking for. We’ve seen hagglers negotiate a $50, 21-speed bike down to $2.75.Anyway, we must concur with all the other garage salers out there Saturday that the Backstage Theatre’s sale at the fire station north of Breckenridge was definitely a hit.They weren’t selling in-line skates or bikes or children’s clothing. No, indeedy! They were hawking old costumes, props and blow-up sex-slave dolls. We saw three wooden trees sell for $5. We witnessed normally sane friends rifle through Civil War jackets in search of one with the perfect fit. We saw bananas sell for 29 cents a pound.One woman was looking for sequins, another for anything patriotic. Someone bought a bullwhip, another person purchased a ragged fur stole, still another bought a cast-iron frying pan that, at some time, had been glued to something else – probably the dressing table filled with go-go dancer scarves.It was a site to behold, we tell you!***More trivia: A mile on the ocean and a mile on the land aren’t the same mile. We don’t know why – doesn’t make sense to us, either. In fact, it makes us feel like this fifth wheel on a three-legged camel. But there you have it.***Does anyone else out there have this problem? Staffer No. 349’s completely inaccessible smoke detector won’t stop chirping. Now we know that means the batteries are dead – but not dead enough to stop chirping, 349 has noticed – but 349 can’t reach the dang thing!What’s confounding, however, is that the smoke detector only chirps from 7-9 a.m. We think it might think itself an alarm clock, except for one small detail. The smoke detector used to chirp from 3-9 a.m. Then it moved to 4-6 a.m. and 2-4 p.m. Now it’s only at 7-9 a.m., Monday through Thursday and 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Friday and Saturday, closed on Sunday.Like good Americans everywhere, instead of getting to the bottom of this – or the top of the vaulted ceiling, as the case is – we merely turn up our radio and go to work at ungodly, sporadic hours.***Well, it’s that time to go, folks. Six hundred forty-nine words into our daily diatribe, and we’re calling it quits. We’re going to listen to afternoon thunderstorms, or find ourselves in pockets of warming temperatures with increasing darkness toward nightfall.We out, looking for our innie belly button. Grump! Grump!

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