Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s no longer residing in the Shiplike Behemoth or the Upside-down Inside-out Dishwasher Building.
We’re still in the same building. We suppose we should point that out. That way our dear readers don’t start rallying and rioting, complaining about Corporate America sequestering its most beloved cultural artifact. (As you can see, we have no self-esteem problems today.)
No, we’re still right here across the corner from Frisco’s town hall. The only difference, those who drive by will notice, is the new color scheme of the Corporate Suites. The paint was so old it was falling off, and we were in danger of suffering a lawsuit. (You wouldn’t believe how many kids and dogs get left outside to munch on the paintchips while Mommy and Daddy place their classified ad.)
Now, instead of a dull gray with rusting white trim, our building is a lovely … a wonderful … (we’re looking for some politically correct adjectives here) … uhh … poo-brown.
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Are you guys painting it like that fake wood grain that used to be on my mom’s station wagon?
SUMMIT UP: No, that wood have been too cool.
MSUR: Are you guys going to put camouflage splotches on it to let people know there’s a militia inside and a large arms cache?
SU: We don’t need a paint job to tell people that.
MSUR: Is it brown so that people driving by won’t be able to see all the mud your readers have flung at the building?
SU: Now you’re getting warm. People seem to think they need to (literally) return the muck-raking favor, if you know what we mean.
Anyway, we hope you all enjoy our nouveau-mountain color scheme. If you have any suggestions for new Summit Up names for our home, feel free to drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just tell us to stop huffing the paint fumes at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
Oh, if only Fridays lasted all weekend. We’re out hiding subliminal messages in the new paint job …
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