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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column actually under the delusion that it’s recovered from this fabulous Independence Day weekend!

Yup! You read it right! Fully recovered! Ready to chomp the bit and get back into the thick of things! Oh, don’t get us wrong! We firmly believe people should get out in the sun, march in a few parades, light a few legal fireworks and cool off with a few brewskis on our day of freedom. And Bubba knows, we got out there and did exactly that. Wooo-eee!

With the exception of a few let-downs – notably the ban on SuperSoakers in the Frisco parade; how lame – we had a great weekend. Hope you did, too!



***

Oh, we’re about to Super-Soak our lunch. Somewhere on this page is an incriminating photo of one Breckenridge Police Chief Rick Holman, who just returned from the FBI National Academy.



Normally, this fearless leader can be found hard at work keeping the streets of Breckenridge safe. We have always wondered what he did in his spare time. Wonder no more, ladies and gents.

Seems the graduates of this course must race down the Wizard of Oz-themed “Yellow Brick Road,” an obstacle course of sorts, to receive their final accreditation. We asked them why, but they said it was confidential and if they told us, they’d have to kill us.

Chief Holman, never one to let others show him up, ran the course in drag.

“I was dressed up as Dorothy,” he whined Monday morning when we found the photo on our desk. “And it’s not going in the paper!”

Um … yes it is, somewhere on this page.

Ooooh. Scary stuff is all we have to say about that.

***

A little boy gave us a call to ask us to issue a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! to the dirtbag who stole his backpack on the Fourth of July. In it was his rec center pass, gloves, swimming goggles, a book, playing cards and a key.

We agree with this little tyke! What scum! What kind of low-life phlegm snarfer would steal from a little boy!? The lowest of the low is what we think.

Well, camel-doot, if you want to redeem yourself, you can call (970) 453-8090 to return the goods. If not, may the bird of paradise defecate in your oatmeal on alternate Tuesdays.

***

We are still searching for:

£) A new name for our ETC. arts and entertainment section;

ª) A new name for the building once known as the Ship-like Behemoth; which has been repainted a unique shade of “brown” and accented with Army jungle-boy green;

^) Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Let us know what it is you seek in your endeavors through life by calling Summit Up at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.

We out thinkin’ we’re not so recovered after all. Nope. Not after seeing Chief Holman in a dress.


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