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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that still thinks it’s too dern hot.

Our musings on the subject the other day caught Shelley’s attention. She lives in Dillon and thinks we’re geniuses, if only because we think like her:

“Oh, my gosh, you hit the nail on my head when you said that the lake was a big tease on those hot and dry days! Every time I drive on the Dam Road, it takes every bit of my self-control and decency not to come to a screeching halt and run screaming into the lake. I am from Minnesota where you can partake in any lake you want to. And everyone does. 

“I have an idea. What if we sold passes to swim in the lake? And, gee, I know this is really creepy of me – and forgive me if you are not from Summit County – only make it available to people who live in the county. It could cost 25 bucks for the season, $100 for families, and you would have to sign a waiver, punishable by severe bodily harm if you do not abide, that you wouldn’t “soil’ the pristine quality of our little gem. Also, there would be a daily quota, and you would have to sign up ahead of time so we wouldn’t have an army of people swarming the beach like a Normandy invasion. We would wear our waterproof passes around our necks, and we must swim with them visible or a penalty would ensue. 

“We could use the money to fund something or other – there always seems to be something needing funding since our budget seems to be shrinking just like the lake did last summer. Anyway, who ever heard of not swimming in a lake? Stinky boats with motor oil and gas and all that yucky stuff cruise around all day with no mention of what that does to the drinking water. No one seems to mention this, do they?

“As you probably know, I am saying this with a big grain of salt sitting next to me. But, can’t we please just swim once or twice on a really hot day? This past week I would have given my VISA card away if I could have spent the afternoon floating around on a floatie toy for the afternoon … “

Shelley sent us a second e-mail later, explaining, “… there is a reason why it is limited to Summit County residents. Anyone who has had their newly planted flowers, their camping plans or their state of mind ruined because of snow in June deserves something. To add to that, anyone who has had to throw away beloved footwear because mud season did its thing, deserves a little reprieve.”

There you have it, Denver Water. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?

***

Our regular readers know that we love the Festival de San Fermin, which translated from the Spanish means “Party of Pants-Poking.” This is because the festival is better known for its Running of the Bulls. Each year, we chronicle how many of our insane brethren are injured in this daring feat. We’re proud to report that the first day, Monday, not a single soul was severely injured.

Tuesday, however, two Americans and an Australian got gored. Two other people went to the hospital, and 33 had to be treated right on the street.

Anyway, hooray to 57-year-old Al Chesson, of Pittsburgh, who got jabbed and thrown around for 30 seconds, and Dallas Hatchcock, of Los Angeles, who was gored through the arm.

And to all you town managers looking for a way to fix your problems with sagging sales taxes, we say, “Ahem! Ahem! Helloooooooo! Summit Up Land is full of crazy people – and they sign waivers, too!”

***

It’s Wednesday, and today’s featured song is Frankie Avalon’s “Venus,” because nothing makes pork chops taste better.

We’re out making sense of that …


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