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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s the ant floundering in the waters of the cosmic urinal.

This might not say much for the hygiene practices of the cleaning crew here at the Corporate Suites, but upon visiting our “second office” this morning, we were surprised to find a hymenopterous hip-wader trying vainly to find a foothold in the porcelain and get dry.

Being as we try to live a Buddhist-like ethic (you know, don’t kill living things, rub our bellies a lot), we faced a dilemma. Do we flush (which would obviously not do the ant any favors)? Or, do we do the humane thing and give the ant a new lease on life (which, at that hour of the morning, didn’t seem like the most pleasant task)?

We avoided making any such decision, thankfully, as it occurred to us how strange a predicament this was – and how it was not unlike our own situation in the universe.

How often have any of us been meandering along in life and, surprise, suddenly we find ourselves up to our knees in a mess and, looking around, realize it’s uphill out of it any way we go? And then, of course, call it habit – like how smokers will find themselves with a lit cigarette in their hand without remembering lighting it – we realized the dilemma was past us, as the waters swirled down. If only there had been one of those scented cakes to latch onto.

Where, you might be asking yourself, is my scented cake to cling to?


Brian called with a big thank you – the kind we like to call an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!!

He says Linda Sherman from the Storm Mountain Ranch and two nameless fishermen are big heroes. Brian’s dog Kelsa got a little freaked out by lightning while hiking up by Green Mountain Reservoir and took off. The aforementioned cherubs got Kelsa home without a trip to the pound in between, which Brian (and Kelsa) really appreciated.

We’ll divvy up the karmic awards as follows: One-third goes to Linda so her dogies always come home, and the other two-thirds will help those fisherman find the deepest trout pools – and wings and halos all around, of course.


A woman left us a message the other day. She didn’t leave her name because, as she said, she doesn’t live here (which is no reason – we listen to everybody’s opinions no matter where they live). Anyway, she said she read our rant last Monday in which we pondered a conspiracy theory tying the war in Iraq, the death of that British weapons inspector, African uranium and Italian journalists with some folks in our own government.

The caller did not like this. In fact, she said, it ruined her whole view of our entire paper that we would let such biased and liberal views appear in print. “You didn’t even mention any of the good things that came out of the war,” she said.

So, we’ll leave you with that today, and if you can tell us what she’s talking about, feel free to buzz our liberal bias hotline at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just tell us that all things in war are good on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.

We’re out restoring our karma by building homes for displaced ants in Iraq …

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