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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column moving in on Chuck Woolery’s territory.

Yes, in addition to providing you with a daily dose of tomfoolery, on top of the occasional foray into political analysis, supplementing our frequent stream-of-consciousness missives, our wondering cogitations and downright insipid comments, we’re going to play matchmaker. That’s right, step up to the plates, Bettys and Bro-brahs, we’re going to make sure the answer to that age-old Elvis question, “Are you lonesome tonight?” is a definitive “Negatory, good buddy.”

Well, maybe not everybody. But we’re going to try to start with Troy Gorden and his friends. Troy wrote us a somewhat eloquent letter stating what we all know: It’s tough for a man to find a good woman in Summit Up Land (and, of course, for the ladies, the odds are good, but the goods are odd, if you know what we mean).

“As a blue-collar worker, myself and my coworkers in the building industry can appreciate girls who don’t mind physical labor nor getting their hands a little dirty in their occupations,” Troy writes. This would have something to do with why he and the boys have developed crushes on the Flower Girls.

For those who never noticed, Frisco and Dillon have hard-working crews of lovely ladies who bring beauty to the flower boxes along Main Street.

“I have to say, I have yet to come across one Flower Girl who is unappealing and just as pretty as the beauty they create daily with their flower arranging,” Troy penned in his letter. Look out ladies, he’s a romantic and a poet.

Anyway, Troy says that if any of these ladies also happen to be single, the gentlemen tradesmen would love to take them to lunch sometime. Troy can be reached at drimacoo@hotmail.com.

And don’t forget to let us know how it goes, whether it’s a Scum Alert! or an engagement announcement.

Geez, we feel all giddy. This must be what Cupid feels like.

***

Someone’s going to get a lot of yucky white spots on the hood of their car if this Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! is right. An anonymous person (who feared reprisal for reporting this) said a person or persons has been removing active, breeding swallow nests from the eaves of certain condos in Summit Up Land. This is scummy, in case you didn’t know, A) because you really don’t understand what it means to live in harmony with your environment if you’re doing that, and FELONY) it’s against federal law to take those nests down.

The bird lover who reported this to us hopes the perpetrators of this dastardly deed (Mr. Anonymous sounds a lot like Yosemite Sam, if you ask us) will cease and desist.

***

Kudos! to A1 Ski Home Inspection. Owner Ken Stone and his employees donned those stylish neon vests and orange garbage sacks and summited the climb to the Eisenhower Tunnel to pick up litter. Drivers will notice their work most on the east side of the tunnel. The A1 staff cleans up the four-mile stretch near the tunnel two times a year. Ken says, “Special thanks to our volunteer Darrel Kutchen for his extra efforts and thanks to CDOT for letting small businesses help clean-up the environment.”

***

As Twiggy on Buck Rogers used to say, “Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy,” which also happens to mean, “Will you be my Valentine?” in archaic Farsi. At least this Thursday it does, so feel free to shout it out the window as you’re driving around town.

We’re out sharpening our love arrows …


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