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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column digging out its hamburger and fries from a mountain of napkins and a pile of ketchup.

Running short on time and low on money – how is it that theme plagues us wherever we go? – we pulled into our favorite fast-food chain (which we will just call Greasy Pete’s) and ordered our usual single with fries. However, we forgot to tell the voice that took our order to go easy on the napkins and ketchup and discovered, upon driving away, that she threw in about 14 napkins and 26 ketchup packets. We know you have probably experienced the same treatment from any number of drive-up windows, but we can’t figure out why management wouldn’t scratch its head and ask, “Where the hell are all the napkins going around here?”

Still scratching his head and smelling heavily of grease, he walks into his tiny office with no window and gets out his abacus. OK, he deducts, pushing a bead one way and another the other way, “We had 100 customers come through here yesterday and went through 1,400 napkins – can we really be giving 14 napkins to each customer?” He re-emerges from his greasy ol’ den of an office, “Are you nitwits giving each customer 14 napkins per order?”



“Just a handful, sir,” they dutifully reply.

“A handful. We can’t afford handfuls. Think of the trees for gosh’s sakes. What about the trees?” He storms into his office, only to re-emerge in a real fury.



“How much ketchup goes out with each order?” he asks, his face as red as a tomato. “There’s economics behind each of these packets, you know.”

Hopefully this will stir a little environmental and economic emotion out there in the ever-growing world of fast food.

***

We pulled up to a stoplight we often stop at and sat there through two cycles without the light ever turning green in our favor. We have to imagine that boils the blood of most motorists out there who are prone to road rage at the drop of a hat. We just said a few Oms and backed up 10 feet, then rolled forward 10 feet. It worked, and the light recognized our Oms. On the other hand, how about pulling up to a light that is normally red forever and before you even roll to a stop, it turns green. We kind of get the feeling at that moment, especially if it is early on in the day, “This is going to be our day today.”

***

We’re out trying to peel a Trent Lott sticker off our bumper S


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