Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column that knew all along the details surrounding the death of Chandra Levy and the ultimate public castrating of the FBI.Yup. We here – right in the heart of Summit Up Land – collectively serve as the Armchair Investigators of America. We knew when Chandra Levy failed to show up from wherever she did or didn’t go that the police should be looking for a body. Don’t ask us how we knew! We’re sleuthy that way!We figured if she hadn’t called home – and what are the odds, really, of someone getting bonked over the head with a frying pan and forgetting where they’re from – she probably wouldn’t be calling home again. She didn’t seem like the kind o’ gal who would run away from a lucrative job and an illicit affair, so we deduced she was dead.And we knew the FBI would be taking some heavy flak over the whole Sept. 11 thing because – you know why? – we here in America can’t go a day when a problem can’t be blamed on someone else. It was just a matter of figuring out which direction to point the finger. We predict lawsuits.Other Armchair Investigator prognostications: They’ll call for snow and we won’t get any, wildfires will rage through the West this summer despite all that snow we didn’t get, Gary Condit will get a public apology for his non-participation in the death of Ms. Levy, American advertising will include even more Australian accents (if that’s possible) and Focus on the Family will lobby U.S. senators and representatives to change the number on Highway 666. Then they’ll come after us for putting their name in the same sentence as the Highway to Hades.There. Mark our words.***We have here an Angel Alert! Angel Alert! which makes us so darn pleased! We know there are lots of people out there doing good karmic things, and so few of them get any notoriety – much less fortune – for their good deeds.But Terry Wallace of Summit Cove called us to hand out a big, super-sized halo to Sara Sprung of the Silverthorne Recreation Center. Seems Terry’s kid and two others others took the bus to the rec center Sunday afternoon thinking another parent would pick them all up and take them back to their respective houses at the end of the day.Due to a miscommunication, the parent didn’t show up. So the kids, ages 9 and 10, were left sitting there in the lobby thinking they could have gotten in a lot more pool time had they known said parent was going to fall down on the job.Anyway, the kids sat and sat and eventually it came time for the center to close. Sara stayed with them for another hour – probably on her own, unpaid time – until rec center folks could get ahold of Terry and straighten out the whole mess.We halo-ize thee, Sara, for going above and beyond the call of Angel Duty!***Looking for that perfect Father’s Day gift? We are, too. Send your suggestions to Father’s Day Gifts for the Man Whom Everyone Thinks has Everything but who Really has so Few Assets in the Bank He Probably Couldn’t Pay for a Car Wash Without a Credit Extension.We have a few suggestions, although we’ll leave it up to you as to how perfect they are.&) A visit to the proctologist to ensure good ol’ Dad won’t die of prostate cancer.#) A visit to the dentist to get rid of that lingering halitosis.6) A nifty tie.d) A new screwdriver.-Y) Offer to babysit the kids while he and Mom have a romantic dinner at McDonald’s. (We don’t have to point out to you that you ARE the kids, and thus you are only getting Mom and Dad out of the house so you can raid the liquor cabinet, right? We didn’t think so.)We out investigating.
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.
Now more than ever, your financial support is critical to help us keep our communities informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having on our residents and businesses. Every contribution, no matter the size, will make a difference.
Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User