Summit Up 4-2-11: Where overripe avocados laugh in our face
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s got a bone to pick with bananas and avocados. We love both of these things, but they’re such a hassle to get to when they’re just right – and ripe. This morning we picked up a banana that, we thought, looked like it was good to go, but upon peeling it discovered it was not quite ready for prime time.There’s nothing worse than an unripe banana. What should be that delicious, creamy texture unique to the banana is, instead, a fibrous, gluey nightmare that’s simply a violation of your mouth when you take a bite. Man, that banana really punishes you if you peel it before it’s time! If it’s really bad, you may have to go down to the car wash and blast your mouth out with the high-pressure Hotsie – it’s that bad.(Disclaimer: The previous was meant as an attempt at humor. Any attempt to actually wash your mouth out with a high-pressure car wash is neither advised nor endorsed by Summit Up, the Summit Daily News, its parent company or any of the people who toil here. And we’re pretty sure your dentist would frown on the practice as well, perhaps voiding the warranty on your crowns, dentures, etc.)Of course, if you wait too long, when you’re not looking the damn bananas turn all brown with black spots, and when you peel it, hoping against hope it’s not overripe, you discover it’s gone over the edge into that realm of mooshy ickiness that relegates it either to the compost pile, the dustbin or to the pile of bananas you plan to turn into banana bread (but then you don’t get around to it and they get even grosser, sometimes even spawning nasty little fly-like things and you wind up having to go burn them in the backyard.)Same deal with avocados, although the stakes are a little higher for a number of reasons. For one, avos are more expensive than bananas, so you really want to try to get to them when they’re good. If you hit it before it’s ripe, its inedible – a rock-hard piece of crap you couldn’t moosh into guac if your life depended on it and you owned a steamroller or an industrial press of some sort. Wait too long and you cut the thing open only to find it’s all black and nasty – almost laughing at you with its supreme over-ripeness. As you toss the over-ripe guac into the trash (no banana bread-like relief in site with these prima donnas of the fruit world), you curse them, then turn to that annoying mango you’ve been putting off for days.There’s nothing worse than dealing with a mango. All the good stuff is beneath a tough layer of skin, and then half of that is firmly bonded to the giant pit thing, so you work at it with the knife and get like .07 grams of good stuff before tossing the rest in the trash and vowing never to buy a mango again. But they’re so good! And you go back again, like a spurned lover back for another round of punishment at the hands of this most temperamental of fruits. How the heck does anyone deal with these things? Is there a special machine or kitchen contraption we can buy or what?Don’t even get us started on coconuts.We out.
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