Summit Up 4-22-09
April 22, 2009
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that greets this Earth Day 2009 with flowers in our hair, compact fluorescent bulbs in our sockets and organic bread in our toaster. We are recycling paper and cardboard left and right, eschewing one-use plastic bags for the reusable kind and mulching 24/7. With a song in our hearts, we are glugging used motor oil not into the crick as our grandpappy used to do but into the recycling barrel. And even though we pull the skin off our chicken to reduce our fat intake, we now recycle that skin into woodwind and percussion instruments or, depending on our mood, into funny little animal puppets.
So yeah, it’s Earth Day, people. Actually, it’s Earth Week, but in reality every day is Earth Day, is it not? This is, after all, the planet we live on, so how could any day not be Earth Day? We wonder if you lived on Jupiter if you’d have Jupiter Day and be careful not to let things like high-density polyethylene burn up in the already poisonous atmosphere. Or would it matter?
Complicated questions. Let’s move on to something simpler, like lunch meat.
What’s your favorite? Mesquite turkey? Corned beef? Pastrami? Olive loaf or baloney?
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: What the hell is olive loaf? And it’s spelled “bologna.”
SU: Olive loaf is something we used to eat as kids on white bread with ketchup. It’s basically baloney studded with green olives. Deliciously disgusting. And we spell it “baloney” because it’s funnier, less formal than “bologna,” which is hard to spell anyway.
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MSUR: Well, it’s named after the Italian city of Bologna, where they’re famous for cured pork meats such as prosciutto, mortadella and salami and, we guess, bologna (thanks, Wikipedia!).
SU: Well, it’s still a funny name for a city. What if you lived in Mesquite, Turkey or Olive Loaf, Indiana?
MSUR: (stroking beards contemplatively) Interesting. But there was an original point about lunch meats, was there not?
SU: Oh, right, here’s the point: Holy crap lunch meat is expensive! We used to buy it for like four or five bucks a pound, and then it sorta crept up to six or seven bucks and beyond and now, just the other day, we got a pound of lunch meat and it was 10 FRIGGIN BUCKS! What the hell is this stuff, some sort of fleshy gold? We half expected to see the guy at the deli counter take the stuff out of a safe, fer cryin’ out Pete’s sake. We know countries where you can buy an entire friggin’ goat for 10 bucks! And then we take the stuff home and our teenagers go through it like wolverines and we’re like, did you even taste that going down? And then we were like totally like why don’t we just get you some cheap olive loaf from Indiana, but then we checked and even olive loaf is like eight bucks a pound if you can even find it which isn’t easy because it’s kinda rare these days.
Sorry, but we’re bitter about the price of lunch meat, and when we’re bitter we write like Valley girls ” totally don’t know why. But man, lunch-meat prices these days! We know stores up here have to charge more because of, uh, reasons we don’t always understand, but we’re ready to just go vegetarian and then we priced a red bell pepper and keeled over and lost our appetite.