Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column taking up a collection.
This will be the most wonderful, good-doing, positively effective philanthropic effort in modern history. It’s even better than the one we thought up to teach sand-castle making to Sahara Desert neighbors. But it’s going to take hundreds of millions of dollars, so get your checkbooks out as you read this.
Steven Tyler, often confused with the Rolling Stones tongue-and-lip logo, but really the frontman of Aerosmith, is talking with the Russian space agency about suiting up and blasting off. In case you haven’t been keeping up with your space-race news, the Russians are getting into the habit of taking $20 million checks from Americans and letting them train to go into space as astronauts. A California millionaire already did it, and Lance Bass of *Nsync boy band fame was reportedly going to hand over his piggy bank to the Russkies.
That was all we needed to hear to have a revelation: We not only need to approve of this, we need to encourage it. The more people like this we can send into space, the better. And if we have to take money out of the budget for all those heat shield tiles or navigation systems, so be it, if you get our drift. In fact, we’ve started our own list of people we’d like to send into space:
n Jesse Ventura;
n Certain other government officials we can’t name because their staff members read our column;
n The real estate agent who’s bringing a Starbucks to Breckenridge;
n Everyone who believed our April Fools edition stories (they’re probably packing up their Tang right now);
n Tom Arnold
n Each and every host of an “unbiased” cable news talk show;
n The children of those hosts;
n Miss Cleo, the fake phone psychic; and,
n Carrot Top.
You probably have some suggestions of your own. Send them, and your big fat cashier’s checks to
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just hum a few bars from the “2001: A Space Odyssey” score on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
It’s like they say, “The family that kung-fus together, stays together.” Congrats! to the Daigleq23 Family. Linda (mom), Don (dad) and Bobby (oldest son) recently competed in a regional karate tournament in Fort Collins. They work out together at Summit Japan Karate, and it must be paying off. Don and Bobby placed in their respective age and brown belt divisions in the sparring portion. It was also Linda’s first tournament.
We’d add something funny here, but we value our kneecaps.
It’s Saturday, so give until it hurts. We’re out panhandling to put people in space …
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