Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column here to entertain our schoolchildren who have nothing to do.
For those of our readers who don’t have children, we’ll warn you: School is out. If this doesn’t have you shaking in your boots, let us take you on a trip down memory lane and remind you of the significance of this seasonal event with these four words: mutiny in the zoo.
At least that’s how we remember this time of year. We recall textbooks flying out the third-story window. There were the water balloon attacks on unsuspecting bus drivers. And who can forget the childish rhymes (“No more teachers, no more books, no more days on the chain gang in the hot Georgia sun digging a ditch for the warden’s plantation”)?
OK, so maybe our experiences weren’t the “typical” ones. But just to prevent history from repeating itself, we’ve come up with a few suggested activities to keep our youth occupied. We’re sure they’ll sign right up for:
– Lake-filling fun! If the summer heat has you down, jump right in to Lake Dillon and invite all your friends. Although the Denver Water Board will be very upset with you, the volume of water your bodies displace should be enough to raise the reservoir a few feet.
– Tom Sawyer Peer Motivation Training. If your parents are like ours, there’s plenty of chores awaiting you (bunion-filing, cataloging the “Laugh-In” rerun videotapes, running the mouth-powered air conditioning, etc.). But what we know from Mark Twain’s classic tale is that a good leader gets his friends to do the fence white-washing for him. We’ll be holding seminars weekly, Saturday mornings here at the Corporate Suites (just bring a shovel and a good pair of work gloves).
– Goth Rock Star/Hip-Hop Mogul Camp. Our astute children know that if they want to be truly loved and wealthy when they grow up, they need to get on MTV by the time they turn 16. With the help of Summit Up’s cadre of professors, our local students will have the edge on their competition. Lectures include Snoop Dogg’s “Bubonic Chronic: How biology labs made me the success I am,” and Ozzy Osbourne’s “Rabies vaccinations and 12 other tips before taking the stage.”
– Charity car washes. We don’t have anything in particular in mind here, just that our car is pretty dirty from all the bugs we’ve collected driving on the highway the last couple days.
That should keep them all busy until tomorrow. We’ll come up with some more ideas then.
The other day we ran a photo in the news section of Frisco Elementary School’s top readers. Each elementary school has a program in which students earn points for reading books and taking tests on them. Unfortunately, Gina Eliopoulis, a Frisco fourth-grader, went home sick and her name got left off the info with the photo. Gina had the highest point total in the school, and we thought that was worth mentioning here.
Keep up the reading, Gina, otherwise you end up with jobs like ours.
We’ve got a boat-load of Congrats! here for some of our local students who off at college giving the rest of us a good name.
For instance, Grant Aaron Johnson, Richard S. Fritsky and Matthew Aron Callan all made the dean’s list at Colorado State University for the spring semester. They’re from Breck. Silverthorne’s John Richard Groneman and Chyerl Kay Varvil also made the list.
Cornell College in Iowa sent us a letter saying that 1999 Summit High grad Matthew Loptien earned his varsity letter on the baseball team. (We should also mention he’s majoring in biochemistry and molecular biology.)
Keystone’s Chad Kauffman was awarded his bachelor of science degree from Southwest Missouri State University.
And, Courtney Nelson of Dillon was able to keep at least a 3.8 grade point average and make the high honors dean’s list for the school year at Stephens Colleg in Missouri.
Boy, you guys know how to make a daily column feel inadequate.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Thursday and we’re out playing hooky. Let us know what you’re up to at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just sing that Alice Cooper version of “School’s out …” on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re … oh, we already said that …
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