Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column busy at the inventing drawing board trying to come up with something to steal all of cel’s business.
The news hook here is that cel has requested an $88.8 million rate increase. For you cel gas customers out there, that’ll mean about a 70 percent hike in your bill come January. cel got another increase approved in March.
Now, just so you don’t think this is a rant about another utility company run amok, let us remind everyone that these things are approved by the state’s utility commission. Granted, that means “regulation” in the same sense that the White House means energy “policy” – it’s all the same people making the rules and cashing the paychecks.
We don’t know about you, but cel brings us our electricity, and it isn’t cheap, either. Living “off the grid” has never looked so good, so we’re trying to think up ways we can harness our own power and have one less check to write a month.
There’s the usual stuff, solar and wind, but photovoltaic cells are expensive, and we used up all the propellers we had lying around rebuilding our car on a “Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang”-induced manic episode.
We know geothermal power’s no good. We found a hot spring outside our house and we’re still trying to get the sulphur smell out of the shag carpet in the living room.
So, we’re thinking what Summit Up Land really needs is a hamster farm. Imagine it: millions of hamsters running on little fly-wheels. We can feed them with food waste from all our local restaurants, and it would be yet another attraction for tourists tired of skiing or biking.
Even better, we should convince the Denver Water Board that they need to stock Dillon Reservoir with electric eels. People aren’t supposed to swim in there anyway – and we could guarantee it. Then we just drop some electrodes at the marinas, and voila!, power to the people, so to speak.
No, wait. How about potatoes? Potatoes are cheap, and this kid in our sixth-grade science fair, he built a clock with a potato. We wonder how many potatoes it would take to replace, say, your car battery. And, do you suppose it’s still safe to make french fries out of them when the juice is gone?
Now that we think about it, these are all silly ideas. What we really need to do is just keep invading these energy-resource-rich countries. Because then, our energy costs won’t keep going up. Oh, wait …
Mark called in a “double” Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! He says Julie and Leslie, and anybody else who was involved, deserve biggie-sized halos and wings for organizing the benefit for Ross McDonald (forgive us if we spelled the last name wrong, Mark didn’t spell it on the voicemail message) at the Breckenridge Brewery Tuesday night.
That’s what we love about Summit Up Land: Neighbors always pulling together to help each other out. Free karma points for everybody!
On a salsa scale, this particular Thursday is “picante.” Those with heart conditions and gastroenteritis are advised to consult a doctor before beginning the day. For further instructions, contact us at
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just throw caution to the wind and live la vida loca (preferably recording it on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237).
We’re out re-inventing electricity, Mr. Franklin …
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