Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column waiting for the spaceship to come sidling out of the clouds.
We don’t know about you, but life over here could use a little adventure. Maybe it’s the shoulder-season humdrums getting to us. Maybe all the TV we’ve been watching is creating a sense that our lives are lacking. Then again, maybe we’re missing the action that’s already in our lives and we just need to open our eyes.
Whatever. We can’t help but look around lately, wishing for something exciting to happen. What exactly would fix our blah-blah condition, we’re not sure. But we’re pretty sure it would involve loud noises, teeth-grinding exertion, action so fast it ruffles your hair and lots of … something. We don’t know.
But why not? Why couldn’t something exciting happen? In the movies, it’s always at the most boring moments of the characters’ lives, the pinnacle of ennui or unsuspecting complacency, that people are thrust into extraordinary circumstances. The UFOs never come to abduct you when you’re speeding down the highway; they visit when you’re on the couch or parked on the deserted country road. The president never calls you for the secret spy mission when you’re already on one; it’s usually when you’re doing nothing, sitting around grumbling like an old codger (hmmm, like us?).
These things haven’t been happening for us lately. These days, our excitement and action come from flipping bottle caps into the can on the other side of the room. Our amusement comes from watching pets dream. Our escape is a walk in the woods, which isn’t much of an escape when you can hear the highway the whole time.
We know what’ll fix this: spicy food. Spicy food, and then we get the cops to chase us for … something.
We’ll figure it out.
So, let’s get this straight: a pigeon is a rat, but neither is a goat. We just realized you need a degree in zoology to keep track of metaphorical descriptions, at least when it comes to cops and robbers. You see, as we just discussed with our friends, a stool pigeon is a rat. The stool pigeon rats, singing like a canary, and the scapegoat takes the fall. Then the goat ends up a jailbird. But, if he’s a good mule, he’ll smuggle stuff in for his friends. Then, when he tells them he’s innocent, his friends will tell him he’s lying like a snake in the grass.
The people who came up with all this were probably in need of a little excitement, too.
It’s Friday. Again.
Tell us about all the excitement in your life at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just sigh and yawn on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out waiting for an
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