Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wants to know if people let us walk around all day with our ghostly keister hanging out because they didn’t want to embarrass us, or because they liked it.
We had one of those moments that everybody loves Saturday afternoon: You think the world is humming along to the beat of your drum, everything is falling into place just as you planned it, and then you realize, no, you’re just another dufus like everybody else. For us, this realization took the specific form of discovering a 5-inch gash in the back of our shorts. (And you may think this is TMI – Too Much Information – but we tell you this to help you understand the gravity of the situation: We, ahem, had no second line of defense to prevent the unintentional peep show.)
So, back to our original proposition, we don’t know what to think. A more modest individual might have said, “That’s OK, nobody would be looking at our butt anyway.” However, we are not an individual, nor modest, as you may have guessed since we refer to ourselves as “we.”
Thus, we can only conclude people were looking at our derriere. Furthermore, given that people love to prove us wrong, call us out and, generally, make sure we know our place in this grand cosmic opera, we have to imagine that people would have gladly indulged in the opportunity to point out to us, in public, that we had an extra cheek in plain view, and it wasn’t rosy.
Finally, then, we must assume they liked it. Having deduced this, let us just say we hope you all enjoyed the show and that it, through its profound aestheticism and powerful symbolism, somehow made your lives better. We’ll be taking it to Broadway, where ticket prices are sure to top all records, so consider your matinee a world-class bargain.
And a sawbuck to anyone who can identify the tattoo he saw.
It’s Sunday, don’t you know? We’re out mending our pride (and our shorts) …
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