Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column just finishing up a P.B. and J.
Has any sandwich stood the test of time like the combination of peanut butter and jelly? We ate them in first grade, and now we eat them as adults. In fact, most of our big muscles and strong bones can be attributed to the nutritious P.B. and J.
And that’s to say nothing of the taste. We have taken to black cherry jam lately, after having cycled through grape, boysenberry, strawberry and whatever that one from the walls of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory was.
They were all good, and we’re sure we’ll return to each after we get through this black cherry phase.
As for the P.B., well, there are two types of people in the world: those who like it chunky and those who like it smooth. For us, chunky peanut butter is completely without merit. Who thought of this? It’s like they started making peanut butter then stopped about two-thirds of the way through the process, and said, “ahh, it’s smooth enough.”
The worst part is that it tends to tear bread when one tries to spread it. This creates soggy and messy P.B. and Js.
But people eat it. People swear by it, actually. Every peanut butter maker in the country has a chunky option. Some even have Super Chunky. Ugh.
We bet the people who buy chunky peanut butter are the same ones who like pulp in their orange juice. Same principal. Please, see our contact information below and tell us if you or anyone you know likes pulpy O.J. and smooth peanut butter; or chunky peanut butter and smooth O.J. We just don’t think it’s possible. People live on either one or the other side of the chunky vs. smooth question. This is very important.
Peanut butter and jelly (however you like it) is best after a night of insomniosis. Since we’ve decided to go ahead and cut back on our drinking, we’ve noticed a dramatic decrease in our hangovers. But to make up for it, we’ve been wrestling with a week-long bout of insomnia. We’re making it a lifestyle, actually. But we’re not sure which is more difficult, a mind-piercing hangover or the lethargy of the morning after three hours of sleep. We only know that P.B. and J. is the only cure.
When you think about it, falling asleep is really hard. You go through the day with your mind sharp and working a mile a minute. You’re talking to people, actively listening, working, making decisions. Then you get to bed, and you’re just supposed to just stop? All that mental activity is supposed to flat-line so you can become comatose for eight hours? Doesn’t make any sense.
All of our best thinking is done from 2-4 a.m. You can’t minimize these hours of productivity just for some shut-eye. Our body won’t allow it anyway.
We just wish the morning was a little easier. The only solution here is to go back to drinking – abandon the wagon! – and deal with the hangovers. Passing out is an underrated cure for insomnia. Better than sleeping pills and way more fun. So that’s it … it’s either the passing out-hangover cycle or the insomnia-lethargy cycle.
We need a hug.
It’s easy to lose sleep when your baseball team is in the playoffs and hasn’t won a championship since before jazz was invented. These games are excruciating. Sometimes we want to say, “screw it” and just check out mentally to save our physical and emotional health. We were actually able to do this a bit in the first round, the Division Series, mainly because that series didn’t exist historically, and we look at it like a play-in set.
But now our team has advanced to the games that really matter, and we’re just not sure if we can take it.
Being a sports fan is such a paradox. Why do we care what happens to a team of baseball players whom we will never meet? It’s not like any of our rooting is going to change the outcome of the game. So why do it?
Well, we think it’s a combination of hometown pride and a sense of personal connection with our favorite players. It’s a feeling of, “that’s how we’d do it if we played center field in the majors.”
Most of all, though, it’s about relationships with other fans. A lot of time it’s a parent-child bond fostered by rooting for a team. Other times sports work their magic with strangers living in the same town who suddenly realize they have a lot in common. In other ways, being a fan allows us to keep connections alive among old friends with gameday calls, post-win celebrations or post-loss commiserations.
And even if you can’t really explain why you care as much as you do, take comfort in the fact that there’s always a bigger, more live-and-die-by-every-pitch yahoo than you.
That’s enough fun for one Monday. We won’t give away our hardball allegiance, but Cowboy Up!!!
As promised, here is the Summit Up contact info if you want to participate in our P.B. and J./orange juice/chunky-pulp research:
email@example.com, (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out rooting our butts off …
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