Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column having too much fun moving.
Yes, moving. You know, that time when you throw all your worldly possessions into boxes and realize you have enough stuff to outfit a small, Third World country.
Ah, the joys of straining your back lifting heavy furniture, breaking your spouse’s family heirlooms on the way to the car, paying the phone company $35 to “hook up” the new phone. What exactly is involved in that hook-up fee anyway? As far as this column can tell, the guy with the GED who helped you at the phone company just pressed some button on his computer, which took him all of six seconds, and there you had it, a new phone hook up. No new phone number or anything, just an extra $35 for nothing.
And while we’re on the subject, how is it our favorite local phone company gets away with saying basic service is $9.95 a month? Give us a break. We’ve never gotten a phone bill for less than $25, and we don’t have any of the annoying features, like call waiting. Somehow the extra $15 is all taxes and fees and universal connectivity charges. We wish said phone company would stop pretending phone service is actually less than $10 and just own up to the fact that it’s really $25 to have a land line. A little honesty, that’s all we’re asking for.
A while back we wrote about a cat-sitting experience, which was, quite literally, a seat on a cat. That’s right, we mentioned having those sharp claws embedded in our nether regions when we foolishly forgot to look at the chair before plopping down all of our enormous weight (it’s all the Cheesy Poofs) onto the poor kitty, who didn’t like it one bit.
Well now, as we’re in the process of moving, we are having cat issues of another kind. The official kitty cat of Summit Up Land, a real ooshie booshie known as Mr. Fluffy Head, or simply, “The Boobie,” is moving with us. Our dilemma is, how do we explain to Mr. F.H. that his new home is now across the street, and that he should play in this new yard, rather than his old yard, which is just a half-block away? Mr. F.H. is known to wander near and far, and it might be difficult to reorient him to his slightly new territory. Anyone with any advice on smoothing the move for The Boobie should call the Summit Up Land hotline and leave a message with tips, or fling an e-mail filled with catnip to us, if you would. See details for catnip-contact info at the bottom of this column.
We here in Summit Up Land, in the most American sense, believe in a separation of church and state. So we’re totally baffled by the ignored, obvious solution to the whole Pledge of Allegiance debate.
This is going to be a huge decision for the Supreme Court. Our highest court in the land is soon to decide if it’s unconstitutional for kids in public schools to pledge their allegiance to “one nation under God.” One day soon we’ll be referring to this decision as we make other, equally riddling choices.
In the meantime, why don’t we just save our ritual and say the old pledge? That’s right, the whole God thing is just an amendment anyway. The original pledge, written in 1892, didn’t even have the G-word. It wasn’t until 1954, in the chills of the Cold War, that we added that part so the world wouldn’t think we were “godless communists.” God forbid.
Back when we were wee public school children, we said the pledge each day. At the time we wondered about that God part, but we still came out of public school basically godless and liberal, so those fighting against the pledge can take us as a living example that there’s nothing to be concerned about.
Anyhoo, reverting to the original version seems like the easiest thing to do.
It’s Thursday, also National Boss Day, so go push somebody around, or take out your aggressions toward your boss on us at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just meow the Pledge of Allegiance into the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out, moving our Cheesy Poofs into our new place …
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