Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that spent most of Monday morning wondering where all its co-workers were. Is it Saturday? A bank holiday? A prank? The time warp – again?
Alas, we failed to set our clocks back an hour Sunday and are now paying for it by working for free for an hour. Drat! Dang! Phooey! Shoot! We hate it when we do that! We could be sleeping!
Speaking of Rip Van Winkle, we have a missive here from someone who overslept about 20 years.
Dan Streeter writes: There comes a time when one realizes one is too old for Halloween. Last year, in a last-minute panic for a costume, I turned my ballcap around and told everyone I was Barney Oldfield. Nobody knew who he was.
“I felt like Dennis Miller firing obscure references over the heads of Monday night football fans. So this year, I plan to update my obscure reference. Since I have so many cuts and bruises on my thin skinned hands and arms, and have to buy Band-Aids by the case, I plan to go out as The Extreme Les Nessman and see if anyone remembers him!”
We here at Summit Up happen to know that Barney Oldfield was a race car driver who wore his cap backward. We also remember Les Nessman of WKRP Cincinnati. But an extreme Les? Readers? You tell us what an extreme Les Nessman would look like. Dial us up at
summitup.com and give Dan your ideas!
It’s not even Halloween yet, and we already have some Halloween related Scum Alert! Scum Alert! This one goes out to a middle school boy who literally and figuratively ruined the Dillon Valley Elementary School Halloween carnival Saturday night.
This punk went around cursing and punching holes in the props, throwing stuff around and scaring the little kids – and not in a fun, Halloween sort of way.
You know who you are, kid. And you should be ashamed of yourself. Parents and teachers believe you owe an apology to the fifth-graders for your poor judgment.
And because of your actions, middle schoolers will not be allowed to attend the elementary school carnival next year. Way to go.
This Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! comes to us from Teresa:
“Someone had the nerve to break into an employee’s truck in the parking lot of the Wedgewood Lodge off of Primrose Path during daylight hours. They stole sunglasses, a sleeping bag and a radar detector while my friend was working. We are telepathically sending mucho bad luck vibes to the scumbag(s) and many wishes for an evening of camping and freezing like hell in a horrible unexpected blizzard (after having been pulled over for speeding because the radar detector broke)! Sleeping bags can only do so much. If the culprit wishes to return any of the items above and avoid their karmic retribution, please feel free. Rich has some new lenses he just purchased for those glasses.”
May the evil-doers read this and repent!
On the other hand, we have Angel Alerts! Angel Alerts! going out to seven middle schoolers, four of whom helped out at the Dillon Valley carnival that night, taking over when the little kids were tired manning booths and coming up with innovative ideas to add to the event. The woman who called to give them halos didn’t know their names, but remembered that one of them was dressed as a pirate and another was wearing a funky straw hat and a big jacket. She also wanted to give halos to Mason and Josh and a third boy dressed as a handyman who helped set up Saturday.
You, too, know who you are, and should consider yourselves Angelized! Wear those halos proudly, boys! You deserve them!
We’re out … groping unsuspecting pumpkins.
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