Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering why it is you can give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, but if you teach that person to use the Internet, they won’t bother you for weeks.
We think the Internet is a wonderful invention. Thank you, Al Gore.
Here’s an interesting idea: Our paper regularly invites you to adopt pets from the animal shelter, so we figured, why not try to get people to adopt county freshmen? Our new friend Paul says Don is house-broken, cute and cuddly and needs a new home:
“After living his entire life in Atlanta, Don has boldly picked up and left the warm South for a Rocky Mountain adventure! In one week of being in Breckenridge, he’s gotten himself a job managing a store, become a race host for the mountain, picked his nose while passed out in the living room, and made a hell of a pot of chili. Now all we’ve got to do is get this guy and his gear out of my tiny-ass room! If you’d like to adopt a genuinely good, beer-loving southerner please contact Paul at firstname.lastname@example.org.”
Paul didn’t mention if Don sheds or not.
We are full of curiosity today. And not just the “Why does everyone turn down the volume in their cars when they’re looking for an address, or the “Why do you park in the driveway and drive on the parkway kind of thing.” Although we still wonder why there are Braille key pads at the drive-up ATMs.
Our curiosity was piqued today as we were thinking about the UFO cited last month near Roswell, N.M., where atomic bomb testing has made the landscape bare and given cacti there multiple arms. Oh, you didn’t know they used to be just spiky spines that jutted up out of the Earth? See? One must question authority. Always.
But, have you noticed, since the advent of camcorders, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?
We have, and by golly, were flumoxxed. People are catching acts of violence on tape (witness Rodney King), slow car chases (witness O.J. Simpson), road rage (contact your nearest law enforcement department for local details) but we’re just not seeing the UFO footage anymore.
Could it be the creatures from other planets are so intelligent they are deliberately avoiding Earth for other astral locales because they’d rather not be filmed and end up on the 7 o’clock news?
Or is it that there are no creatures from other planets, and that’s why no one has seen a convincing home video of aliens? It was easy to claim UFO when all we had for proof was stories of abductions or snapshots of a blur in the sky.
So we’re putting out the challenge: Got a camcorder? Headed south? Take photos of the sky. And please, no flying flashlights. We’ve done enough of that ourselves.
TGI Friday, with the G standing for Goodness, of course. We are nondenominational here at Summit Up.
We’re out, feeding fish into the computer …
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