Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that would love to talk to you about something other than fire.Everywhere you turn it’s fire this, fire that, you’re fired, baby light my fire, fire when you see the whites of their eyes, fire, fire, fire. (Sorry, we were channeling Beavis & Butthead there.) But you have to admit, we as Summit Up Land citizens, and Americans, are quickly losing our ability to get worked up about anything what with the way the media pounds us with this stuff (except our employers, of course). Every time we turn on the TV it’s like we’re back in junior high getting a swirlie in the locker room: No matter which way you turn your head, it’s the same crap.We tried all day Thursday to come up with something different to write about. We thought about nicknames (one particular staffer has a nickname that rhymes with “moo,” but she won’t tell us what it is because we won’t promise not to call her by it). But nicknames just didn’t seem interesting enough. These days it seems the only people who really use nicknames are boxers and professional wrestlers.We thought about writing about cannibalism. Somebody wrote a letter to the editor suggesting that everyone should become vegetarians because all these people in the world are going to eat animals to extinction. We suggested that the problem was not the scarcity of animals, but the glut of people. So, we were going to write that the answer is not to give up eating meat, but rather to eat more people. That topic idea went out the window when other staffers started giving us the “Heil, Hitler” gesture. Their attitude will change once they’re stuck in the mountains after a plane crash.But all we heard about all day were the high school kids who decided to have a kegger off Tiger Road – along with a bonfire that could have easily killed us all while we slept. The beautiful part is the cops made them use a keg to put out the fire. Who says cops can’t be poets?And then Frisco went and announced they’re cancelling the July 4 fireworks. That just depressed us a bit. We understand, but it’s just not Independence Day if we can’t blow stuff up, you know?Don’t worry, though. Here’s a few things you can do if you just have to have fireworks like us:n Put grapes in the microwave. You’ll get a kick out of this, trust us.n Turn out the lights and have a group wintergreen Lifesaver chew-a-thon. It’s the sugary sparkler!n Hit your head repeatedly against the wall, or take a hard chop on the bridge of the nose. It doesn’t last as long as fireworks, but what else can you do?n Buy some colored plastic cups and cut fancy patterns in the bottom. Put the cups over some flashlights and lay on the floor. Treat your roommates to an indoor show on the ceiling.We’ll take other suggestions, too. Most people have forgotten it, but we have to have some sort of fireworks show, otherwise an old 1775 law in the Federalist Papers says we have to give the country back to Britain.***Breckenridge’s Catherine Q. Sullivan just graduated from Boston College with a degree in sociology, so now she should be very adept at telling us what’s wrong with the world (as if we didn’t already tell you about it everyday). Congrats! to her.***Kudos! are also in order for John Lovseth. John was featured in the May issue of Hot Rod Bikes magazine, wind whipping through his hair as he cruised down the road on his Harley-Davidson R750. According to the article, John can tell you all about this classic bike, “spewing details on it like a Southern Baptist minister at a revival.”We have no idea why a Baptist minister would know so much about a bike, but that’s probably why we write this column and not one for Hot Rod Bikes.
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