Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column standing up for junker cars.
It seems the Breck town council is looking into how to legally tell people they can’t have inoperable vehicles parked in town. Rust has never been chic, unless you’re in Mingo Junction, Ohio, and we wouldn’t want the Kingdom to suffer a detriment to quality of life or anything. We guess it is understandable the good aldermen and women tackle this, though, now that they’ve fixed those affordable housing, growth, sales tax decline and other problems. What, those aren’t fixed? Oh …
We’re curious to see the legalese used to legislate this. They are, by the way, proposing some sort of ordinance that would give police the power to enter your vehicle to find out whether it runs or not. What will the standard for this be? Well, if it’s rust, you better not buy British or seaside-originating cars. Don’t let a flat tire sit unchanged, either.
Maybe this shouldn’t bother us so much, but it does. Maybe we should all just give up, declare Subarus the official cars of Summit Up Land, and all of us can promise to get a new one every three years, whether we need to or not.
Funny how inoperable buildings are “historic,” bring character to a town and should be preserved, but cars are different.
Sorry, we just parted with our own inoperable junker and we guess we’re still a little bereaved.
Ann sent us way too much information responding to our column about how many pairs of pants/shirts/ belts/shoes/etc., that a respectable person should have in his or her wardrobe. We brought up the question after feeling for a few weeks that we didn’t have enough clothes for a satisfactory amount of time between laundry cycles – even though we’d recently doubled our wardrobe inventory.
“The average man needs eight pairs of pants,” Ann wrote. “One to wear on wash day and seven for the upcoming week, assuming you do laundry on a scheduled weekly basis.”
Whoooooaaaaaaa. Hold it right there, Martha Stewart. Weekly laundry? We kept reading anyway:
“This also assumes that you live in a casual atmosphere where there is no difference between work and play clothes. I would split those eight pairs 50/50 between khakis and jeans. For summer, adding in a few pairs of shorts will liven up the wardrobe.
“I am not a big fan of the multiple wearing unless the item never left the house or was worn for less than half a day. Pants tend to get a saggy look in the behind if worn too much.”
Whoaaaaa, Imelda Marcos. How are people supposed to see our boxers sticking up above our waistline if our butt’s not sagging?
Ann went on to give us advice for shirts (eight for winter, eight for summer), including the fact that if we layer (and who in Summit Up Land doesn’t) we don’t need to worry about washing the upper layer as frequently as the under; shoes and belts (we should have brown and black, as well as a consultant to tell us when to wear which); and, probably the scariest words a man could ever hear in his life:
However, we did appreciate Ann’s advice that accessorizing “will keep your coworkers from noticing that you wear the same outfit every Tuesday.”
Ann concluded her scientific fashion analysis with this: “Remember, if the stain doesn’t come out in the wash or the hole allows a public peep-show, it’s time to throw it out. While we don’t want people to judge us by our appearance, our appearance makes the first impression. Our neat and clean clothing tells people that we take care of ourselves … I can’t believe I wrote all this. I’m going to go and un-dorkify now!”
You and us both, Ann.
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