Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column committed to the daily bathtub read.
We got the idea from Joseph Napoli and Evaldo Cerna, two Dillon Valley Elementary School students, who are featured somewhere on this page curled up in an old tub in Ms. Augustine’s reading class Monday. Granted, they’re surrounded by pillows, not water. We think that’s a great way to go!
Whatever happened to the days when you could grab a book du jour and hop into some steaming water and let the day unwind?
We suspect it has something to do with the high cost of books. It’s one thing if you’re reading a tattered Sherlock Holmes paperback that cost 25 cents and it slips out of your fingers. Ker-splash! No great loss.
But, these days, with books getting up into the $30 range, that’s a big loss. That’s why we’re going to start encouraging people to start bathing with pillows. And we think Joseph and Evaldo are just the ones to start this fad.
It might get tougher to curl up in that bathtub with a book if you’re from California. The new govern-ator was sworn in Monday, bringing with him promises to keep English as the primary language, rather than German, which was originally suggested.
As part of the negotiations, however, Ahnold’s team agreed that English has some room for improvement. Would anyone disagree? This is a language that uses “ph” for the “f” sound and has archaic rules with major exceptions!
The new language, to be phased in over five years, will be called “Austro-English,” or “Austrionics.”
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c.” Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k.” This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f.” This will make words like fotograf 20 percent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Government will enkourage the removal of double letters that have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v.”
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Ve art oot uf heah.
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