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Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column celebrating poetry.

We feel poetry is an oft-overlooked genre, and we here in Summit Up land aim to correct that with something other than our exquisite haikus we so often publish.

To start it off, we have a submission from John Underhill, whose son, Zack, a ninth-grader at Summit High School, probably doesn’t know his father has released his (Zack’s) poem for us to publish.

Hey, Zack. It’s the parents’ job to embarrass their kids. Furthermore, we wouldn’t have published your poem if we didn’t think it was a good one.

The Best Snowboard Day

Pines dusted with new snow, Arapaho’s,

The white air hides the woods

Carving in and out of moguls hoods,

Like a hungry ferret chasing moles.

Into a drifted bank of powder deep,

Slamming through it blind except to white,

Exploding from the deeper side with sight

To carve a zig, a zag, wakening as if from sleep.

Tearing down High Noon balancing the moon,

All alone in a quiet dream of flying,

The sun is lost but I will find it soon,

Tacking this unrippled powder boarding.

Two fresh feet of last night’s snow,

I carve into fun wherever I go.

Keep up the good work, Zack! We particularly like the image of hungry ferrets chasing moles. It’s too bad the poets of the world aren’t millionaires, or you’d be one of them!

***

We have a Local Kid Done Good! Local Kid Done Good! going out to Dylan Alexander Lamarre, a 2000 graduate of Summit High School, who completed the requirements for a bachelor’s of science degree in computer information systems at DeVry University in Phoenix. He graduated cum laude Oct. 24.

Congratulation Dylan from your family and friends! And us here at Summit Up, too, don’t forget!

***

Our Hollywood field agent, hereafter referred to as Cap’n Freshies, read our column about starting a windshield scraping business (which we thought was pure genius) and said it wouldn’t fly. Here’s why:

“Most of the people who need windshield scraping are in that position because they don’t have a garage. They don’t have a garage because they are members of the oppressed Summit County working class, who cannot afford to buy a home in their community.

“The people who could conceivably afford a windshield scraping service already have their home and garage, and their car is warmly ensconced within. The poor must continue to rent and scrape, for that is their lot until the masses rise up and demand some of that American Dream homeownership stuff.”

We’re not sure whether to elevate Cap’n Freshies to field marshal status or be extremely bummed about the veracity behind his statement. Some people just know how to rain on a parade, you know?

That’s OK. Cap’n Freshies is just sad because he’s in Southern California, not Summit Up Land, and he’d love to have us scraping the ice off his windshield in the morning because, right now, all he’s scraping is sap and wildfire ash off his.

Back to the get-rich-quick-business drawing board it is …

***

Just in time for your Christmas reading pleasure, we have a newfangled implement, for lack of a better term, to make your tree-watering easier.

Yup! No longer do you have to bend over to do your duty!

Seems the “natural effects of aging” (gray hair and other symptoms for which cures can be purchased on television) were making it difficult for some Cathy Gleason, possibly of Baltimore, or perhaps not, to water her tree.

The natural effects forced her to depend on holiday cheer as is provided by a – gasp! – artificial tree. All because the natural effects of aging were preventing her from bending over to water the tree.

Alas, a product to the rescue! And no, it’s not to combat the effects of natural aging, or these people would really be onto something!

The product is a Christmas tree ornament that acts as a funnel, delivering water directing to the tree stand. Now before you lewd-ites in Summit Up Land start e-ing us to tell us you already water your tree in a similar fashion, we pose to you this question: How did Cathy Gleason, possibly of Baltimore or perhaps not, set up the dang tree in the first place?!

Anywho, you can order this fine product by mailing $11.95checkormoneyorderplus$5.95shippingandhandlingtoGNVDirect3060SDelawareAve.,Springfield,MO65804,noguaranteeevenifyoureadthisfineprintorhaveabevyoflawyerstobackupyourlitiguousclaimswhichinourmindsareludicrousthankyouverymuch.

***

We out, writing reams of beautiful poetry for which we shall never be paid. Alas …


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