Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that knows now not to send food in the mail.
It’s that time of year, when brownies and cookies zip from state to state, sending sugary love around the country. No doubt the inhabitants at Camp Summit County will open care packages with myriad goodies in the coming weeks.
And we will also be sending, let us not forget that.
But beware: Summit Up staffer No. 312 recently received a pear in the mail. Not a pair of socks; not a pair of skis, but a pear. It was rotten, bruised and leaking pear juice all over the letter of love that came with it, rendering the letter illegible.
This would be an excellent example for the game show we are developing, titled: “Is That Ironic, or Does That Just Suck?”
Anyway, there are certain things you can send, and others you can’t. Even cookies and brownies lose a little bit of their non-staleness when given to the postal service to trek across the country. That’s not to say this practice should be stopped.
Here is our list of sendable and nonsendable food items:
– Wine (anything alcoholic is good,
but pricey to send)
– Mashed potatoes and gravy (obvi
– Anything that seeps, smears or
leaks, which boils down to any
Love through the mail is good; food through the mail is dangerous.
With November coming to a close, we must give it its due as the true witching month. October is just a prelude.
So much happens in November. It is the month of change. We don’t have the proof (for pretty much anything we spout off about) but we’re willing to bet that more people move their lives in November than any other month.
In fact every move we’ve ever made has happened in November. Moving here, leaving here, moving back to here – it all happened in the 11th month.
The question is why? What is it about the 30 to 60 days before the new year that causes people to say “Arhhhgg! I need to get the hell out of here before I kill somebody?”
We think people put moves off, trying to convince themselves their situations aren’t that bad. People have the capacity to tell themselves this for months (years, really, but that’s another story). All through the summer and most of the fall, you can feel it: People start freaking out. It builds slowly in August and September – that need to get out of a situation, one way or another.
By October, they are not sure if they can take it anymore. And then they think, “another whole winter of this … I just don’t think I can do it.”
Still they do nothing. But then Halloween comes and goes, the first snow falls, the air gets cold and dry, the leaves die, and the reality that time marches on unmercifully hits.
That’s when jobs are vacated, leases are broken and cars are loaded up … and that’s when thousands of flat-land refugees arrive in Colorado and settle in for the winter.
Can you feel them? They are already here.
Merry Wednesday! Tell us about your November moves at firstname.lastname@example.org or send us a pear over the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out staying put …
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