Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column thinking about dear ol’ Dad.
If you’ve just exclaimed “D’oh!”, you’re probably joining millions of other Americans who are just now remembering that today is Father’s Day, or as it is affectionately known in the Summit Up Genetic Engineering and Child-Rearing Laboratory where we grew up (picture that scene in “Conan” where he’s pushing the mill around in circles for 20 years, except with smoky test tubes and boiling beakers), “Oh, Great, Another Tie Day.”
Ah, we jest. We gave our dads socks and golf balls, too.
But, considering the holiday, we figured we’d offer some related jocularity. These adapted musings came from Skip in Oklahoma, by way of our buddy Gary. (They were originally about moms, but we figured some of these go both ways.)
File these under “the things Dad taught me”:
n Dad taught us RELIGION – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
n Dad taught us about TIME TRAVEL – “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”
n Dad taught us LOGIC 101 – “Because I said so, that’s why.”
n Dad taught us LOGIC 102 – “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you are not going to the hardware store with me.”
n Dad taught us IRONY – “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
n Dad taught us about OSMOSIS – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
n Dad taught us about STAMINA – “You will sit there till all that spinach is finished.”
n Dad taught us THE CIRCLE OF LIFE – “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
n And the capstone lesson Dad taught us all was JUSTICE – “One day you will have kids … and I hope they all turn out just like you.”
If he’s not there in the house, now’s a good time to pick up the phone. You know where to reach him.
Our classified department held a contest earlier this year, looking for ad placers to come up with the craziest opening lines to roommate wanted ads. The bosses want us to let you know that Hannah Lennon was the only winner from Summit County announced at the beginning of this month. She won $100 for her “roommates left to join nudist colony in Frisco, Need replacements” opener.
“Our sick and freakish classifed judges (publishers and classified sales reps) all seemed to like this headline a lot,” Christine, the classified director wrote. “Maybe we really do need a nudist colony in Frisco!”
Congrats! to Timothy B. Shafroth, or should we say Ensign Shafroth. Timothy just graduated from the United States Naval Academy in Maryland and has been commissioned as an officer in the Navy. His parents, Catherine and Peter, live in Breck, and we’re sure they’re mighty proud of their son.
More Congrats! are in order for Chris Tatro of Breck. Chris, a 2000 graduate of Summit High, just earned his private pilot instrument rating on Saturday. He’s studying aviation at Metro State and wants to become a commercial pilot (that is, a guy who flies commercial airplanes, not the test run of a TV ad).
Nicely done, Chris, keep on soaring.
We’re all here at
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or that electronic secretary we call voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237, waiting for you to give us something new to think about.
We’re not bored, we’re just lazy …
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