Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column with some bad news for the anti-Silverthorne Safeway crowd.
We hate to break it to you, but your quiet mountain town, or what’s left of it, might as well just get paved over. We realize it might be hard to stomach and, believe us, we like the rural peace and quiet too, but you’ve been doomed since your “renaissance” brought that highway across your front yard.
But our goal today is not to belittle anyone or dissuade them from participating in what we proudly see as a civic privilege and responsibility (if one thing can be both). We just want to float a few ideas. So, before people throw any more rocks through our windows (and we expect a little of that before the election on this issue is over – see the items below), hear us out.
The not-in-my-backyard position hasn’t worked in Summit Up Land. People should realize that by now. As long as there is money out there, and it’s not in the hands of the electricity-and-waterless cabin-dwellers, you will lose. We don’t like it any more than you all, but money talks. So, unless you’re prepared to chain yourself to a bulldozer … well, you know.
What you should have done had you really wanted to shunt this project is get on the side of the developer. Sound crazy? That’s exactly what you wanted. People should have been telling the developer the building wasn’t big enough. Send “em postcards telling them to pave the whole town, heck, put a dome over it and charge people admission. Convince them the town wouldn’t approve it without large marble busts of each council member in Roman-style pillars out front.
As Grampa Summit Up used to say, if you can’t beat them, join them and make them look real bad.
There’s always next time (and there will be plenty of next times).
Since we’re on the subject, here’s today’s Scum Alerts!! Scum Alerts!!
We received two independent calls on the same scums. How can we tell? Well, you decide: Janet and Bonnie each called us. The Willowbrook women were disappointed that someone went through the neighborhood and stole all the signs in people’s yards urging their neighbors to vote no on the proposed rezoning of the Smith Ranch.
Janet said, “Did your mama not teach you better than to steal? Everyone has a right to their opinion. We’re not taking their signs.”
Bonnie added that by coming on to her property and stealing her property, the pro-growth perpetrators not only committed a crime but violated her rights – and they didn’t do much, because she already replaced the sign. May the scums’ eggs always be broken by the time they get them home from the new Safeway.
We’ve tried playing matchmaker before and it hasn’t work so well, but here we go again.
John Botterell called to ask us to put a message in that he’s looking for a girlfriend (our thought: yeah, you and everybody else, John; just do what we do and talk dirty to the customer service reps at the phone and electric company). Anyway, he’s single, he owns his own place and his own car, he has steady employment and is not an alcoholic or drug user.
You ladies can call John at (970) 453-0507, but we think first John should send us a poem we can print to show you all how romantic he can be. Eh, John?
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, after hearing today’s column you can come to no other conclusion than that Thursday is guilty and our client should be set free. Please enter your verdict at
firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just call for a mistrial on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
We’re out building our tire-burning factory (with recyclable materials) …
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