Summit Up 5-19-10: Almost 100% scandal-free!
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s having a hard time keeping up with all the political and celebrity scandals lately. This guy’s having an affair with an aide, this gal is ranting pantless on some TV show, meanwhile this other dude is claiming he fought in a war he never went near. How’s someone supposed to keep up with all this? And what is the deal with politicians, anyway? Why can’t they control themselves? Wouldn’t comon sense dictate that, once you’re realy in the “public eye,” you can’t go bananas with the babes, the booze and the bribes?
We don’t understand it. But, then again, we don’t understand how you get to the point where you think being in politics is such a good idea. We’d rather be on this side of the fence, making snarky comments and smug in the knowledge that our name won’t ever have the word “scandal” or “mistress” after it.
So we’re just a few days away from the momentous event Saturday when nearly 200 Summit High seniors will graduate. They will then utter a collective sigh of relief, and then go “uhhhh … whaddawe do now?” Many will go off to college or vocational school, but man, we feel sorry for anyone looking to get a job right away. It’s still lookin’ bleak out there, although we have heard there may be some of those “green shoots” of recovery popping up. If nothing else, maybe there will be a few gigs at Eddie’s Clam Shack or the Mega-Burger.
Speaking of grads, we have Sammy Lunksy on our page today. We’ve known Sammy since she was just a wee li’l thing, cuz she’s the daughter of a long-time Summit Up Central Staffer. Sammy has kicked some serious academic butt over the years and is a heckuva dancer as well. We wish her well at DU.
If you’ve got a photo and a wish for a grad, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. We don’t have tons of time or room, but we’ll do what we can on a first-come, first-served basis.
So yesterday we ran some Indonesia jokes in this space which, to our knowledge, is the first time we’ve ever done this. The response was tremendous (one person, we believe, almost called to say how cool it was), so we thought we’d run a few more jokes from http://www.asianjoke.com.
The Top 13 Signs You’ve Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
13. Your dojo’s symbol is a bullseye target.
12. First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
11. Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
10. The “gis” are used hospital gowns, and the “throwing stars” are just slices of old cheese.
9. The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
8. The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.
7. Instructor’s low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one “pop quizzes” in dark alleys.
6. Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
5. Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
4. Current students bark out on cue the phrase “Insurance does not exist in this dojo!”
3. You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.
2. Sensei’s “ancient Chinese secret” required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
and the Number 1 Sign You’ve Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School…
1. Did Confucius ever really say he was “going to open up a can of whoop-ass” on someone?
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