Summit Up 5-29-2011: Where you should beware of dog owner
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only column that officially welcomes you to Memorial Day weekend. It’s a time for reflection, relaxation and eating so much pulled pork and potato salad you fall into a persistent food coma, requiring your friends to carry you home from the barbecue and your doctors to shake their heads somberly over your snoring body and say things like, “There’s nothing more we can do.”
We, for one, are getting the heck outta Dodge and the mud this long weekend and going somewhere glamorous and exciting, Actually, it’s just Pittsburgh, a place which, even during mud season, has nothing on Summit County. But, alas, old friends get married where they will and what can you do about it, but purchase the plane ticket and show up with a blender?
On another note, we have a very interesting Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! here. This guy was so angry he came into the Summit Up world headquarters here in Frisco and scribbled his alert on the back of what appears to be his lease agreement. We’re wondering if he’s going to want that back.
Anyway, he writes thusly:
“Friday, May 27 at approximately 12:00 p.m., my 13-year-old black lab ‘Max’ had a stroke. I panicked and picked him up and loaded him into the car. I had to drive from Ptarmigan Mtn. in Silverthorne to Dillon. It was an emergency. I knowingly and willingly broke the speed limit while trying to get up the hill to Dillon. As we all know, it’s three lanes. I turned on my hazards and was beeping the horn trying to alert the other drivers on the road. The left lane cleared for me, and then a tan late model Toyota Tacoma cut me off and wouldn’t let me pass. Then I switched lanes and a 20-something woman in a green (model of car we can’t quite decipher) hatchback did the same while giving me dirty looks. Then as I go far right a tan full size van decides to ride the center lane and swerve back and forth in the lanes so I can’t pass. Then you have the audacity to follow me into Dillon and give me the finger and tell me you’re going to kick my (word not appropriate for polite columnization) and then you just up and leave. Did you three idiots think I was late for a showing at Skyline Cinema or I just really needed to get to City Market, like, right this second? I am so upset. When you see a car with hazards on it means emergency – something is wrong. Thank you all for being such intelligent, great additions to the population of Summit County. My name is Aaron Borth and if you’re one of the drivers I mentioned, I’d love to chat. Dillon PD knows how to reach me.”
Well, we don’t know that there’s much more we can add to a note like that, except maybe, to all you scummy drivers out there: beware of dog owner.
Well, folks it’s just about that time again when we’ve completely run out of interesting things to say. We do, however, have several very uninteresting things to say.
We have a hole in our sock.
We’re not entirely certain Scotty deserved to win American Idol. We kinda liked that other chick whose name escapes us at the moment.
Ostriches are flightless birds.
The Summit Daily office is nearly out of Kleenex, must remember to pick some up.
Margaret Thatcher had a very long nose.
MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Oh, dear God, please stop!
Summit Up: Fine. Hey, pass us some more of that potato salad, would ya?
MSUR: Don’t you think maybe you’ve had enough?
SU: Don’t be ridiculous, we’re fine! We know our limits and …
Sound of snoring.
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