Summit Up 5-9-10
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column pitching an idea to Major League Baseball.
You may have heard of it, especially if you’re a fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
This proposal came out of left field last week after we witnessed the comical Taser-ing of a 17-year-old boy who tried to run some laps during a Philadelphia Phillies game.
The security guards apparently didn’t have much patience either for wild kids, possible terrorists, or both.
They zapped him good, the boy went limp and collapsed. So it goes.
But this got us thinking. Baseball is no longer America’s most dominant pastime.
If you ask a foreigner what sport they think of when they think of the United States, they’ll likely say football.
And it’s true. People get so much more excited about one Superbowl game than three, four or however many World Series games get played.
And with baseball, it’s not even technically a “World” championship. Countries all over the place have good teams that don’t get to face America during the MLB season.
Football, on the other hand, has an off-shoot in Canada, but is otherwise only really a serious sport in these United States. They should swap: “Superball” and “World Bowl.”
Enh, that sounds pretty silly.
But anywho, people like football because of all the physical contact.
We’re proposing baseball work a little violence into its games to garner more of a fan-base.
How many people saw the Phillies kid get zapped?
Youtube.com records 1.3 million hits and county. Combine that with just about every TV news network – cable and broadcast – and all the people at the game, and you’ve got a significant number of observers.
It’s probably more than the combined total of people who watch any given team (except the Yankees, the Braves and the Red Sox) play a full game throughout the season.
And if the kid hadn’t gotten the Taser, it would only have been filler footage for ESPN.
So we propose a new take on the seventh-inning stretch.
No more dot races, no more closing down the beer stands and now more wandering away from your seat.
We’ll tell you all about it after this important message.
We’ve got an Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!!
David Roach and Sally Stephenson, a couple Breckenridge residents, have taken action to help in the continuing rebuilding of a post-Hurricane Katrina area in Mississippi:
They’re joining a 15-member construction team this very morning to spend a week rebuilding and repairing homes badly damaged from the September 2005 disaster.
“Roach and Stephenson’s team will concentrate their efforts on the Eastern part of the state in the cities of Pascagoula, Ocean Springs, Moss Point and Gautier.
This is the third of six teams scheduled for deployment to Mississippi in 2010 to assist with the re-construction efforts organized by International Relief Teams, a San Diego-based nonprofit relief agency.
Since March 2006, International Relief Teams has deployed twenty-six teams (400 construction volunteers) who have repaired more than 170 homes in these areas. This will be Roach and Stephenson’s first trip to Mississippi with International Relief Teams,” according to an International Relief Teams press release.
It costs about $11,000 to send a group of 15 volunteers, and cash donations may be made to International Relief Teams, 4650 Alvarado Canyon Road, Ste. 2G, San Diego, CA 92120.
And any skilled or semi-skilled people wanting to volunteer for future teams may call (619) 284-7979 for more information.
So here it is. “The Running Man,” a Stephen King novel made into a Schwarzenegger classic in 1987, involves a game show with contestants – convicted criminals, or people the government just doesn’t like – chased by “Hunters” employed to kill them.
Of course our baseball sideshow won’t start with the killing part, not unless we can get people on death row to volunteer, but we figure our culture is about due for “Running Man”-type action.
In the film (OK we haven’t gotten around to reading the book) the Hunters chase the contestants with stuff like chainsaws and flamethrowers.
Hunters live like super-celebrities and get all sorts of glory for their kills.
Many of baseball’s stars have been tarnished by the use of body-enhancing drugs.
Why not channel these guys into the new seventh-inning stretch model after they get busted?
We can start out by having them chase around volunteers (guaranteed: People will volunteer for this) who run through the outfield like beheaded chickens.
The super-sized retired baseball players will get bats made of rubber – or wood or even aluminum, we’re really not picky – that they use to chase around the contestants until one of them passes out.
It’s Sunday, and we’re gonna get rich off the 7th-inning Skirmish.
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