Summit Up 6-15-12: Father’s Day greetings we’d like to see |

Summit Up 6-15-12: Father’s Day greetings we’d like to see

Summit Up
Special to the Daily

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s proud to announce we got our Father’s Day card in the mail – just as we remonstrated you to do the other day. We’re not entirely sure if a card put in the mail on Thursday will make it across several states by Saturday in time for the big day Sunday, but we’ll see.

We have to say, though, that when it comes to buying greeting cards, it’s not an easy thing. For one thing, they’re ridiculously expensive. We don’t mind spending $4.95 on dear ol’ Dad for something substantial – like a nice cocktail or a cheap tie – but 5 stinkin’ bucks for a piece of cardboard with some stuff written on it? What the heck?!

And then there’s the words on the card: It’s either sickly sweet sentimental crap that doesn’t really apply to our dad (who is like a piece of unexploded WWII ordnance dipped in vinegar) or it’s some ridiculous, un-funny passive-aggressive jokey kinda thing … or it’s a buncha god or new-age-y stuff, which isn’t really our cup o’ tea either.

How we long for some realistic Father’s Day greetings, like:

> Dad: You never really showed up for my soccer games and you smoked like a burning haystack with the windows closed on the old Buick, but you’re still my dad so … what the hell, happy Father’s Day.

> Dad: I’m embarrassed to be seen in public when you wear those shorts and black socks, and it’s too bad you’re a Republican/Democrat/Chiefs fan, but at least you didn’t go out for a carton of milk one night and never return so, cheers old man – you made me possible!

> Your cast-iron heart drove us all away, but there’s no denying the genetic link so … hope your day doesn’t suck too bad.

> I love you lots, dad, but I know emotional goo was never your thing so … up yours, old timer!

> Here’s mud in your eye, dad, and any other old-timey expression that might mean something to you.

> Dad, after getting to know you better I can see why Mom left you to join the circus/Vegas burlesque show/insurance agency in Dubuque, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t acknowledge your special day so, uh, here is that aforementioned acknowledgment … hope you like it.

We’ve got a million of these! But that’s good for now. And we jest, of course: Most dads are pretty great, but even so, we think all kinds of dads should have special cards made for them.


So we have this elf who sneaks into our newsroom and brings us cakes and pies and stuff … we’re not sure why other than that he’s just an all-around nice guy (and a great dad, we’ll wager). Anyway, we’d like to give a shout out and an Angel Alert! Angel Alert! to Dick Berry of Frisco, who obviously won some Safeway contest to have a cake a day for life or something, and he remembers us quite often in his travels around town.

Thanks Dick!


Folks, it’s BBQ time!

We out.

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