Summit Up 6-2-10: Winner of the Legion d’honneur!
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s trying to figure out what to do with all these kids out for summer break starting Thursday. We could send them to summer camp, plop them in front of the TV, take them to work with us, send them off to grandma’s or to military school, hang them on nails in the closet or just let them run wild in the neighborhood. We could make them sit in a dark room all day doing long division so they don’t have the dreaded “summer slump” when next year starts, but we’re afraid that might fall under that Constitutional edict against “cruel and unusual punishment.” Perhaps we can demand they make money at a lemonade stand or some such thing, or learn new skills such as metal fabrication or pine beetle log crafts (napkin rings, anyone?).
Ah, we remember our youth, summer vacation and all that. Riding around on our bikes with banana seats knocking garbage cans over or putting M-80s down the storm drains. Simpler times back then: You’d probably get locked up and sent to juvy for such infractions nowadays.
What are your ideas for how to keep kids busy, intellectually stimulated and out of parental hair for the summer? Send tips to email@example.com.
We have hear a touching anniversary message, which we present here in its entirety:
“Dear David: You take me in your arms, and though I’m wide awake I know my dream is coming true. I just fall in love again, just one touch and then it happens every time. There I go, I just fall in love again and when I do … I can’t help myself, I fall in love with you.
Happy 24th anniversary, Sheila”
Wow, lucky guy! Congrats on 24 years, David and Sheila.
So we were cleaning out our closet the other day and we came across all our old WWII medals and Citations for Valor from the War of the Roses and our Magenta Heart from the Crimean War as well as a Gold Cluster O’ Goodness which is either a breakfast cereal or an award somewhat akin to the French Legion d’honneur bestowed upon those who’ve done, uh, cool stuff overseas.
We jest, of course. The only citation we’ve ever received was from a mean-looking state trooper wearing those mirrored aviator shades. But, judging from the way politicians nowadays play fast and loose with their war records and what have ya, we figured why not stretch the truth a little bit? We really do like the looks of the Legion d’honneur Grand Croix, and we’d happily bestow it upon ourselves for all these years of writing meaningless columns – if only integrity didn’t stand in our way!
So, we sadly turn in our medals, our ribbons, our magical epaulets and various and sundry trophies, plaques and certificates because, quite simply, we didn’t earn ’em.
Politicians should do the same. Sheesh!
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