Summit Up 6-23-10: Your source for odd pee news
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that kinda misses the Utes. We happened to pop into the Frisco Schoolhouse Museum Tuesday while our screwed up e-mail system was being repaired by our awesome IT guy, and we wound up reading this stuff about how the Ute Indians used to chill in the Summit County area for thousands of years before the newer folks (us, or is that we?) chased them out due to them being in the way of the pursuit of shiny metals, farming, homesteading, etc.
That sucks! The Ute got stuck on some reservations down in southern Colorado instead of being able to chill in their home after they’d been here for – let’s say that again – thousands of years!
Sometimes history is hard to take. But if you happen to be down in the Ignacio area and see some Utes, walk up to them and say “Sorry man!” They’ll know what you’re talking about.
On a sunnier note, we have here an Angel Alert! Angel Alert! from Gina Smallwood, who writes as such:
“I would like to take a few minutes to tell everyone in Summit County how cool the Lake Dillon Fire-Rescue is. Not only did they make time to come out to surprise my 3-year-old son on his birthday but they went above and beyond to make it a memorable experience for all – and that includes the adults. They dressed up in all of their gear and actually shot water out of the cannon, yeah my son was speechless! A little background on my son: Dominic, who we commonly refer to as Firefighting Dominic, is a firefighting enthustiast. If there is a fireman or fire truck in the area, he will know and yes we will be there for a while staring and smiling. So when we received an e-mail saying that they would gladly come out to the party, I was so exhilarated, because I knew that Dominic would have the best time ever on his birthday and to a mom that means everything. Thank you Lake Dillon Fire-Rescue for making Dominic’s birthday a day to remember!”
Gotta love those firefighters!
Next up is a Smarty Pants Alert! going out to Mandy Turner, whose folks Stoney and NitaLisa live in Dillon. Mandy, who is a sophomore at Colorado State University in Fort Collins, was named to the Dean’s List Spring 2010. Mandy is pursuing a major in the College of Liberal Arts. Way to go! Keep up the good work, Mandy!
Next up is a somewhat random e-mail from David Pierce in response (we think) to a recent column regarding the benefits of eating fruits and veggies. This is a two-parter, the first of which reads:
“Asparagus is the wonder vegetable! It cures cancer, impotence, baldness, pms …”
Part two reads thusly: “… protects fetuses with folate, has mucho vitamin A and the perfect calcium to potassium ratio.”
Go asparagus! Plus, it makes your pee smell funny, which is either a plus or a minus, depending on how you feel about such things. Speaking of, did you know other vegetables have odd effects on your urine? Normally you don’t notice because you pee in the toilet, but if you were to pee in these other situations after eating certain veggies, well, things can get weird. Listen:
-Urinating on a cactus after consuming artichokes will turn said cactus into pure milk chocolate!
-Pee on a Ouija board after drinking wheat grass juice and all your dreams will come true. But only for 24 hours, then they all get reversed and replaced with IRS audits.
-Micturate into a jar of Spanish olives and you will soon be dancing the Flamenco like a pro. Again, though, the effect is temporary and you’ll soon be crawling on all fours until someone pees on you after eating some Kalamata olives, after which you will only be able to square dance. Weird, we know, but it’s the way it is. Trust us.
-Whiz on a juniper bush and the berries will turn into iTunes store credits, but here’s the hitch: They only work for Kelly Clarkson songs.
Well, that’s enough oddities for one day. We out.
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