Summit Up 6-29-10: An excellent source of sparkles |

Summit Up 6-29-10: An excellent source of sparkles

by Charlie the Unicorn
www.thinkgeek.comHow do you slice up a unicorn for a great, magical meal? There are so many ways - just use your ... imagination!

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that’s still reeling from some recent meaty issues in the wake of the Frisco Barbecue Challenge. First, there was the guy who wrote a letter to the paper angry about all the meat consumption and suggesting, more or less, that the town should have some kind of tofu fest (which we think is an excellent idea, perhaps on a small scale, and we could not for a second argue the point that meat production is a huge producer of greenhouse gases as well as an intense user of water and energy). We didn’t print this gent’s second letter, which was really mean and full of bad language, but suffice to say the passions run deep.In the course of the BBQ Challenge, we came across a fair amount of beef, pork and poultry but not much else, leaving us to wonder cii) what barbecued tofu or tempeh might tast like; 14a) how you could get tabbouleh to be ‘mounted’ on a stick or ibid) what more curious critters might taste like – antelope brisket, for example, or pulled panther on a bun.And then there’s lion meat. To be honest, we didn’t even know this was a possibility, but then we came across a news item on alerting us to the fact that a restaurant in Arizona (of all places) put lion burgers on its menu as some kind of warped nod to the World Cup (now over for us, essentially, with the US losing to Ghana Saturday). We are not fabricating this information: At Il Vinaio Restaurant in Phoenix, you can get a lion burger (with chips and corn) for $21. Granted, this is “farm-raised” lion – not endangered lion from the African savannah – but still. At the very least, one can hopefully assume said farm-raised Arizona lions were in the state legally.If lion meat’s not exotic enough for you, how about unicorn meat? We know, you’re thinking to yourself there’s no such thing as unicorns so how could you eat the meat? But remember, unicorns are all about imagination (cue rainbow and tinkly music), so if you want a unicorn patty melt, just imagine it! Mmmm … savory unicorn meat all sparkly and filled with hope and dreams, juicily squirting happy juice as you sink your teeth into it and …(this section of the column was edited out by our censors at the MPAA due to gratuitous unicorn violence)Of course, that was a bit of a problem for the folks at the National Pork Board, who didn’t like’s April Fool’s story headlined: “Pt is pass. Unicorn – the new white meat. Excellent source of sparkles!” Again, we are not fabricating this information: the Pork Board sent a 12-page “cease-and-desist” letter to, as reported at”We certainly understand that unicorns don’t exist,” said Ceci Snyder, vice president of marketing for the National Pork Board, told the Associated Press. “Yes, it’s funny. But if you don’t respond, you are opening your trademark up to challenges.”We really love’s unicorn “prime cuts” diagram, which you can see here, as well as their recipe for Savory Unicorn & Heirloom Tomato Bruchetta. Wish we’d thought of that last March!***Gotta run. Have a taut Tuesday!

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