Summit Up 6-8-10: Shake well, shoot sklarge in sink first
Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda whatever.
OK, now that we’re past our corporately mandated salutation (hope you liked it), we have several issues related to summertime we need to broach. The first is mustard. This is an age-old bugaboo that concerns that first blast of mustard to hit your dog. Even with the advent of new, special spouts that are supposed to prevent it, we still have the same old deal with yellowy, disgusting water stuff shooting out, defiling our dog, moistening our bun and generally ruining our day. Then, next time we go to reach for the mustard, there’s dried sklarge around the top that falls off onto our dog, ruining it and our day once again. You can see the theme emerging here: It’s either too wet or too dry. When will they get it right?!
Still on hot dogs, we’ve recently encountered a new type of dispenser for pickle relish, which is essentially a version of the mustard bottle (albeit clear) that has a wide mouth (kinda like a Mickey’s) for (theoretically) shooting relish onto your mutt, thus obviating the need to sully spoon or fork with the old-school bottle method (and of course that always leads to cross-contamination between the relish and any other condiments, but that’s another story). The reality is, though, this just doesn’t work; you wind up with the chunky portion of the relish (sorry, bear with us) staying put in the bottle while the moist sklarge comes dribbling out onto your dog and bun, which, as you may recall, was recently defiled in a similar manner by the damned mustard!
Goldarnit! So you wind up with a hot dog that’s saturated with mustard and relish juices, but not so much mustard and relish. The moral of the story? Use a spoon and a jar … or don’t eat hot dogs altogether. They’re probably causing climate change or something anyway.
OK, we have here a Guest Service Alert! from Ric, who writes thusly:
“When your best friend has a house guest it’s important to make he/she/it feel at home and not abandoned. Take everybody prarie dog hunting in the field and for a swim in the creek. Teach them verboten habits like sleeping on the old couch. And of course, friends don’t let friends drink out of the toilet bowl. Finally, if your legally sanctioned life partner notices muddy foot prints lose your ability to speak English and/or blame it on the cats.”
Huh. OK Ric, we think maybe you need to strap on your tin-foil hat a little tighter cuz we have no flippin’ idea what you’re talking about. But we like the part about blaming it on the cats. There’s gotta be some merit there.
While still thinking of product packaging, we’ll close today by gritching about saltine crackers. Nowadays, they come in these plastic sleeves that are L) impossible to open, cii) bad for the planet and ibid) impossible to reseal, so you wind up with stale crackers next time.
Now, once again, these critters are bad for you due to all the salt, so you should skip eating them anyway. But still …
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.
Now more than ever, your financial support is critical to help us keep our communities informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having on our residents and businesses. Every contribution, no matter the size, will make a difference.
Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User