Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column dumbfounded … shocked … nay, appalled that, all this time, just miles away, veritably right under our noses, there’s been this nudist colony.
We can’t believe nobody told us. Then again, that should probably tell us something about what those around us think of the possibility of us disrobing.
But, no, all this time the Mountain Air Ranch, a 150-acre “family” resort outside of Denver, has been offering clear blue skies, cool pool waters and such activities as hiking, volleyball and paddle tennis, none of which appear to be recommended for the flesh-o-phobic.
“If you have spent your entire life without swimming or hiking while nude … you are really depriving yourself of one of life’s simple pleasures,” says the Web site http://www.trynude.com (and yes, it does have a photo gallery). “Going through life in a clothing compulsive society can be hard on a person! You won’t think twice about it once you’ve broken through the anxiety barrier.”
The people around us must be the very anxious type, or we’ve had our head in the sand for some time, because it turns out the ranch has been around for 65 years – one of the oldest in the country.
We couldn’t help learning about all this and not wonder if there isn’t an idea here that Summit Up Land could capitalize on. We’ve been reading these news articles for months now about how retail sales are dropping, reservations are in a slump and construction of new homes here has slumped. Throw in a few sorry-snow winters and it’s easy to understand why people are looking for some grand scheme to keep the economic engine chugging.
Maybe the solution we need is the country’s newest nudist ranch. What with all the new beachfront on Lake Dillon, we could have the Western Hemisphere’s highest nude beach! The housing authority wants a new sales tax to fund its projects, you say? How about a clothes tax instead!
Now, we know what you’re saying: “But Summit Up, what about all the snow in the winter? Won’t people get cold, or worse, frostbite in the worst of places?”
And to that, we have only four words: Eenie Weenie Bikini Contest. Need we say more?
The folks sitting around the counter at Antler’s Liquor in Frisco took exception to a letter in Saturday’s paper. The letter writer said Friscoites are in need of a little maturity. This was based on the observation that the town’s Fourth of July parade seemed to be more about squirt guns than dignity and patriotism.
“Maybe we should ban God from the parade, too,” the caller said. “It did rain.”
He also added that he got wet and he didn’t mind, and nobody seemed to be complaining.
We must note, however, that some people, for whatever reason, don’t like to get wet. And, one float rider told us, those squirt guns hurt.
But having said that, we’re inclined to agree with the Antler’s gang. Don’t expect to celebrate all those heroic WWII acts by the guys from the VFW without a few hyperactive kids replicating it all with H2O. Or maybe we should just add children to the dog ban at Frisco events?
Say what you like, but it is Sunday, or as they say at the nudist ranch, “another day to dress how our maker delivered us.” Send your ideas for our new daily nudist column to email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or recite your favorite scene from the Maxwell Smart “Nude Bomb” movie on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out … of our clothes …
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