Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column trying to come up with a name for the moon – unintelligible howling at it is just so impersonal, isn’t it?Our Hollywood field agent, Cap’n Freshies, asks:”Why the heck doesn’t the moon have a name? Looking up at the full moon that was going on recently, the Cap’n just had to wonder why the moon – our little brother in space, the closest celestial object to us, the brightest critter in the night sky – why didn’t it get a decent name other than the generic noun for an orbiting body?”It’s like having a kid and naming him ‘Son’ or her ‘Daughter.’ Having a dog named ‘Dog’ or a state named ‘State.’ Other moons in our solar system have really cool names: Callisto, Ganymede, Io and Europa are some of Jupiter’s moons. Saturn has Titan, Iapetus, Mimas and Hyperion, and although we’re not quite sure about ‘Iapetus,’ the rest sound pretty interesting.”Earth’s moon often looks angry, don’tcha think? Glaring down on us like a PO’d kid who’s just been told he can’t take his crossbow to school, the moon is justifiably miffed because it got dissed on naming day. The Cap’n has no ideas about how this happened, but he does have a suggestion coming from his son, Ensign Freshies: Name our moon ‘Vulcan.’ It fits in with the Greco-Roman gods theme used in other astronomical nomenclature, it sounds cool, and there’s a little bit of that Star Trek glow to it.”Sure, it’d take some getting used to. Texts would have to be changed (‘The cow jumped over Vulcan’; ‘Goodnight, Vulcan’; ‘The Vulcan landings’; ‘There’s a full Vulcan tonight,’ etc.) But hey, if we can put a man on Vulcan, we can do anything, right?!”Cap’n Freshies, however, is a humble person who doesn’t believe our moon should be renamed just in accordance with Ensign Freshies’ wishes. He suggests a contest to see what readers think the moon should or could be named. The results should then be forwarded to NASA or whoever it is that decides what things in the sky should be named. So how about it, Summit Up readers? Send us in ideas about what to name the moon and we’ll send you a T-shirt or a box of doughnuts or something. Who knows, you could become famous for finally correcting the most glaring act of oversight in human history!”We here at the Corporate Suites are partial to “Luna,” unfortunately that name has been co-opted by the energy bar industry and we’d probably be in for a copyright infringement case.We also think that, these days, people take the moon (and everything else in the sky) for granted. Was a time that the average Joe was keeping his calendar by the stars and the moon, but nowadays people can’t tell you diddly about astronomy. So, a normal, easily overlooked name – like Norm or Harvey – might be appropriate.The danger in bringing up this topic is the issue of naming rights: As soon as NASA (or whoever’s in charge of this) announces they’re going to name it, every corporation in the world will be vying for the rights, willing to pony up big bucks so that we’ll (legally) have to refer to it as “The Invesco Moon Above the Earth,” or “The Moon: Brought to You by Hallmark.” And they’ll probably send a big banner up with the next space shuttle headed that way, so we can read it from down here and thank them for their largesse.But if our readers have a better idea (and they usually do), they can send it to firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just tell us our good sense went out with the tide at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.***Folly, folly – what else is Friday for? We’re out mooning the drivers on I-70 …
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