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Summit Up

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column marveling about the world of Gross and Disgusting.The news that disgusts most people – but not us, we live for this stuff! – is that related to food and the amount of food people cook and consume on our nation’s birthday.We’re not sure why the Fourth of July has turned into an orgy of eating, but it seems to be getting worse (or better, if you’re us, and like to live life to the extreme.)Now, we only had four hamburgers, three brats and eight servings of potato salad to celebrate another year of freedom, or something like that. But elsewhere in this great nation of ours …A 38-foot-long brat was cooked and served to raise money for a fire department. It used 10 gallons of ketchup and four gallons of relish and was cooked on a custom-made 40-foot-long grill. We’re not sure how they flipped this thing over, or how they determined when it was done, but a slab-o-brat cost $10.We’ve all heard about the wispy 132-pound man who won the annual Coney Island hot dog eating contest by eating 53 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Or Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, the woman who has inhaled 11 pounds of cheesecake in nine minutes, nine pounds of crawfish jambalaya in 10 minutes, eight pounds of turducken (chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey) in 12 minutes, 43 soft tacos in 11 minutes and 167 chicken wings in 32 minutes. The prevalent theory in the competitive eating world is the “Belt of Fat” theory, which postulates that skinny peoples’ stomachs can expand more easily because they are not corseted by the ring of fat that burdens the heavy eaters.Oooh, bring on that visual!There are even rules, crafted by the International Federation of Competitive Eating, whose insignia is two griffins standing face to face, clutching crossed mustard and ketchup bottles; a hot dog is extended between their mouths.Their motto is “Everything in Moderation,” with “everything” crossed out and replaced with “nothing.”Drum roll! The Rules!L) Competitors may eat in any style, with or without condiments and with or without beverage. In hot dogs, “Tokyo style,” in which the dog and bun are separated – is recognized.() Food already in a competitor’s mouth at the final whistle counts toward the tally if the competitor chews and swallows that portion of the competitive food stuff.@) Competitors are disqualified if they dispose of the foodstuff in any other way than to eat it fully. The “Roman method” of eating during the contest in which the fare comes back up the way it went down, results in immediate disqualification.OK! Bring on The Records:%) Asparagus: 5.75 pounds of tempura deep-fried spears in 10 minutes.#) Beef Tongue: 3 pounds, 3 ounces in 12 minutes.*) Bologna: 2.41 pounds in six minutes.l) Buffet: 5.5 pounds in 12 minutes.~) Matzo balls: 21 baseball-sized in five minutes, 25 seconds.N) Mayonnaise: Four, 32-ounce bowls in eight minutes.) Pancakes: 3.5 pounds of pancakes and bacon in 12 minutes.) Pickles: 2.7 pounds of kosher dills in six minutes.^) Pork Ribs: 4.65 pounds in 12 minutes.) Spam: 6 pounds of Spam from the can in 12 minutes.Burp!***We have, on this beautiful Tues-Day, a Scum Alert! Scum Alert! from Chef Geoffrey at the Blue Spruce Inn in Frisco, that fabulous restaurant and bar we visit often because it’s conveniently located across the street from the Inside Out Dishwasher that is Summit Up Headquarters.Chef Geoff called to report that some sclarge-bucket stole his Specialized Rockhopper bike from behind the restaurant Sunday. The light purple bike is his mode of transportation, now forcing him to use public transportation and the good will of friends to get around.We would like to say that Chef Geoff could really do some serious food damage to the rat-rear that yanked his wheels, but Geoff said, “No, I believe in karma,” and he doesn’t think that one bad turn deserves another.However, he would like the thief to please (with a cherry on top) return his bike so he can get to work on time to the Spruce to prepare the fine meals that establishment is known to create.And if Geoff won’t dole out the much-needed karmic backlash, we will. Don’t even ask. You don’t want to know.Returneth the biketh.***We out pounding three liters of coleslaw …


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