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Summit Up

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that has found a new solution to the male pattern baldness problem: it involves a cat, and a big car.MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: Hey, stop that! If you people go talking about running over cats in the road again, we’re going to sic PETA on you!My, my, do our readers jump to conclusions sometimes. No, in fact, we’re not talking about anything that cruel. (Well, maybe it’s cruel – we did laugh a heck of a lot.)What we’re talking about is taking the cat for a drive. We had that distinct pleasure yesterday morning, as it was time for the Summit Up kitty to get some shots. Normally, what you all would do is put the cat in one of those little animal carriers, especially if the feline in question is not that fond of a Sunday drive (to the vet’s office, no less).Well, you’re all wimps. We just put the cat in the car (without a seat belt – gasp!) and went. To be honest, we didn’t even try to put the cat in a carrier: The last person that tried that got bit, thus necessitating this trip just to ensure our purring pal didn’t have rabies, scabies, scurvy, West Nile disease or whatever animals get these days.This turned out to be a rather, shall we say, interesting drive.CHILD IN PASSING CAR: Mommy, mommy, look at that man’s funny hat. It looks like a kitty!SECOND CHILD IN PASSING CAR: Daddy, daddy, how can that man see where he’s going with that fur mask on?SNOWBOARDER IN PASSING CAR, TOKING: (Cough, cough) Dude, it might be this herb, but I’d swear there was a dude wrestling a cat in the backseat of that car, and there wasn’t anybody driving.If anybody had been in the car with us, what would have really boggled them is all the hair (and here’s where we get back to our original message). You might not believe it, but we saw it: That cat shed hair – continuously – from Frisco to Silverthorne (and we took the Dam Road). With every meow, and there were a lot, about one every second, a tuft of hair would slide off that cat’s coat and enmesh itself in our upholstery. We exaggerate not: There was enough hair in the seats by the time the round trip was over, we could make a toupée – and not the cheesy Donald Trump kind of toupée, either. We’re talking suave hairpiece, á la David Letterman or Burt Reynolds. Quality stuff.And the experience was so fun, we’re writing a letter to the NASCAR commissioner, encouraging the racers to spice things up. Instead of their pit crews fighting all the time, they should be racing around the track with cats in the car. Now that would be racing.***Wednesday’s column, which included a less-than-logical e-mail from a very concerned reader of the paper, piqued the attention of Valerie, our field agent in Atlanta. Being that Valerie would rather be a field agent here in Summit Up Land (we’ll promote her to the head office one of these days) she wasn’t impressed with the writer’s attacks on life and people in the High Country:”Apparently, the completely unstable individual complaining about Summit Up and Breck has been chained to his or her bed at the mental hospital. Otherwise, this @$$clown could freely LEAVE Summit County and go waller in his Fortune 500 paradise … because living in a big city like Atlanta is just sooo wonderful. You know, with our high crime rate and murders every single day, plus the superior air quality that all of the smog provides, and let’s not forget those wonderful commutes to work of 15 miles – that take over an hour each way. I don’t know how anyone can live without this stuff … yeah, right. The dude or dudette is nuttier than a box of Cracker Jacks.”Some people just can’t handle the simple life, Valerie.***Drop us a line with your psychotic ramblings at summitup@summit- daily.com or leave an incoherent phone message at (970) 668-3998. ext. 237. We’re out driving, with Toonces behind the wheel.


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