Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering how Al Capone got to Frisco.Last we heard, the old gangster was doing “the eternal rest” (the slowest of slow dances) and wasn’t paying too much attention to the doings of the living world. But there we were, face deep in a sandwich, when we saw his purple roadster parked alongside Main Street. It had to be Capone’s. We could imagine the tubby gangster squeezing behind the wheel, setting his Tommy Gun in the back seat next to a box of tissues and courting a dame named “Magnolia.” Alas, we could find no Capone. Even in the back alleys (where we presume gangsters hang out), we saw nothing – just a little boy on a bike. And, before we got into beliefs like reincarnation with the continuance of wealth, we dropped our search for Mr. Capone. No sense in wasting our time on our strange fantasies. We assumed he was either visiting the Butterhorn Bakery for some sweet rolls and a cake with extra frosting, or somebody else owned a car like his. We’re sure if he was actually in Summit County, he would have invited the Summit Up executives to join him and his crew (including Big Jim Colosimo, Hymie Weiss and Bugs Moran) for a pleasant drive in the mountains or, perhaps, a trip to the middle of Dillon Reservoir.***On Friday, a memo from the Summit Up Executive Vice President for Coordination of Orwellian Motivation Practices landed on our desk, complete with bullet points and a flashy letterhead. It read: “Please come up with a plan to make your place of employment fun, exciting and full of desire and motivation. Have this done by noon.”So, we did what we always do in a pinch. We turned to the Internet. After typing in “Desire in the workplace,” we came up with no solutions. Then we tried “Motivation in the workplace,” and nothing came up again. So, we combined the two and typed in, “Demotivation in the workplace.” Thousands of ideas!!! There is a site (see picture above) that did all the work for us -www.despair.com. It helped us decide to hang pretty posters in our offices featuring beautiful photography and clever sayings. For example, we ordered a poster that reads, “MOTIVATION: If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job – the kind robots will be doing soon.”And, “ACHIEVEMENT: You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination and an endless supply of expendable labor.”Just before noon, the posters went on the wall, right next to the map of Nova Scotia outlining our emergency evacuation plan. Take note! Within seconds of witnessing the posters, our field crew was typing like wild monkeys and smiling while they were at it! Next thing you know, we’ll have to start paying them!***It’s Sunday in Summit Up Land, meaning we’re all preparing for the week ahead. Let us know how you’re being motivated at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just sing “Eye of the Tiger” on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.
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