Summit Up 7-1-12: Where we mourn the death of Hollywood marriages

Summit Up
Special to the Daily

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that is beginning to wonder why famous people bother getting married at all. With all the trouble that goes into the pre-wedding publicity, the wedding, the honeymoon, the baby bumps, having kids, doing movies with other ridiculously hot people, drifting, having affairs with aforementioned ridiculously hot co-workers, rumors of divorce, denying rumors of divorce, actual divorce and then fallout for your image, you’d think it’d just be easier to get together, have the beautiful children and then part as friends and go your separate ways. Everyone, including you, knows it’s probably not going to last anyway.

MILLIONS OF SUMMIT UP READERS: What’s with you? Someone famous ask you for a divorce recently or something?

Summit Up: Ha, we wish. Nope, we were just sitting here, as broken hearted as the rest of America that weird-couple-from-the-start Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are calling it quits. Because if the dude who’s so happy to get married he’s jumping on Oprah’s couch and the girl who got the Mission Impossible spy can’t make it work, do the rest of us even stand a chance, with our regular old pot-bellied husbands and nagging wives? Yet somehow we normal people manage to keep trucking through this marriage mess, while the stars bail at the first sign of male pattern baldness. It’s a cryin’ shame. Which brings us back to our first point that it seems silly to have a $967 kajillion dress and a four-hour wedding special for a six hour marriage, know what we mean?

So look here, all you wealthy, but not yet married Hollywood couples: do yourselves, your future kids and pretty much everyone else except the divorce lawyers a favor and just don’t get married. Instead, donate the $967 kajillion to a good cause. We’ll all be enamored with your generosity and go see your next film, making you billions at the box office and saving ourselves some eye-rolling and lost bets on how long your marriage will last.

Everybody wins.

We out.

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