Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column with an ice cream headache, which probably wouldn’t bother us so much if our teeth weren’t chattering themselves out of our head, too.
The problem is we dipped our head in the lake. We read that Beethoven always dipped his head in cold water before he composed, and, since we’re, like, doing pretty much the same thing, we figured we’d give it a try.
We suppose we shouldn’t have been surprised when our fellow Summit Up Staffers, seeing us in pain from this antique tonic, offered to treat us with leeches.
Moving on …
Every summer for the past few years, we’ve been proud to bring you the Running of the Bulls Update. For those who aren’t up on Spain’s hip party spots, Pamplona is blowin’ up, as the kids would say. The Festival De San Fermin (loosely translated as “The Poke-In-Heinie Party”) includes daily jogs through the streets by revelers – who also happen to be chased by 2,000-pound bulls drooling out their noses. As you might expect, not everyone makes it to the finish line unscratched.
Such has been the case this year. Monday, three people were injured, including a young woman from Kansas (taking evolution out of the public schools might make you more pious, but it don’t make you run faster). Tuesday, another person was injured. Wednesday, who knows what happened – we couldn’t find out. And yesterday, two were gored and four more were injured.
If this all sounds like fun to you, we’re happy to say you’re a lot closer to the action than you think. The Mountain Community Fair is going on nightly this week, and it just so happens to feature a little entertainment called “bull poker.” This has nothing to do with cards, although you probably shouldn’t play if you already know your luck is bad. See, they sit four people down at a card table – in the rodeo ring – then let a bull out. The last person in his or her seat collects cool cash. The losers, well, let’s just say they get to tell people they know what it’s like to get hit by a small truck.
We speak from experience. Don’t ask us why, but we volunteered to play last year (you gotta train for Pamplona somehow, right?). Three days later we still had stiff ribs and a sore neck.
We’d never encourage you to play (not in print, anyway), but if you’re looking for entertainment, you’ll find it below the dam in Silverthorne.
In yesterday’s column, we wrote that we couldn’t understand a vanity license plate that read “CKBOOKS.” We argued it could have been a Betty Crocker salesman or somebody who writes a lot of checks. Either way, we didn’t think it was a very good plate.
“It’s cook, the verb,” a caller told us Thursday. “They cook books, as in one of those new-age accountants for Enron, WorldCom or whoever else.”
Which would explain why the license plate was on a shiny, brand new car.
And, while we’re on the topic, we just love the new marketing scheme of the Portland Beavers (oh, don’t tell us you’ve never heard of the San Diego Padres’ triple-A team in Oregon!). Anyway, they’ll be having “Arthur Andersen Appreciation Night” in six days. Anybody named Arthur or Andersen gets in free, and fans are encouraged to bring old documents to be shredded.
You’d love to think we’re making this up, but we’re not. You also might chuckle to know that the Beavers’ stadium is PGE Park. PGE stands for Portland General Electric, a utility owned by Enron.
The headline said “Britain to decriminalize pot use.” Our brain’s immediate reaction: So it’s not tea and biscuits anymore, but tea and brownies.
It’s finally Friday. Don’t hesitate to give us a shout at firstname.lastname@example.org, fax at (970) 668-0755 or do hesitate, and leave us a long silent voicemail message at (970) 668-3998 ext. 237.
We’re out testing whether dipping our head in cold rum works any better …
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