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Summit Up

Daily Staff Writer

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering if there’s some medical term for the inanity that possesses people when you stick a microphone in front of their faces.We get to go to a good many events around Summit Up Land, from athletic events, to concerts and parades. Inevitably, the wrong person has control of the PA system.First it was the skateboarding competition in Breck Saturday, with the announcer rattling off the play-by-play. We’re pretty sure he was making up names for each of the tricks, because it sounded something like this: “Oooooh, there’s a sweet roast beef-slash-horseradish, into a revert refrigerator box and – OHHHHH NO! – he crashed hard trying that backside oil pan. I think he was gonna go for a Saudi Arabian watusi with that. Oh, my.”It got even more interesting when the ladies had their turn to skate. We’ll give the ladies credit: They were out there, doing their best, and some of them looked darn good at it. But the trick repertoire wasn’t there, so the announcer had to fill in with his best (which, for one of the gals, included going on and on about how she was skating for her new baby and it’s father – cool for her, but the announcer mentioned it every single run).Then it was over to Copper to listen to the motocross announcing. We think the following verbatim, 100 percent accurate quote sums it up: “All I got to say is there’s a bunch of fast guys going real fast.”Apparently, overstating the obvious isn’t grounds for disqualification in this job.We could go on and on, railing about football and baseball commentators, not to mention the Olympics (our favorite was the NBC hosts going on ad nauseum about their kids during the opening ceremonies), but instead, we’ll offer this suggestion: Instead of scratching their heads trying to come up with something to say, how about just reading a little poetry. Who wouldn’t enjoy watching some mountain biking while listening to Tennyson? Or better yet, put some opera on the sound system. Wouldn’t motocross be 100 times better with a little “Flight of the Valkyries” blaring around the track?We knew you’d agree.***Last Wednesday, we told people to call in if they had nothing to complain about, and Hester Gretchen Palmer did.”I just think you’re newspaper has gotten fantastic,” she said on the voicemail. “I’ve been a homeowner here for more than 20 years, but I didn’t pay attention before. I just didn’t get it. But it’s free, and now I pick it up everyday. I’m thoroughly enjoying the paper – the editorials, the ads, everything. It’s absolutely on tap, a wonderful paper. I think it’s great.”And then came the best part of the message: “And I’m a Republican. You guys might have some Democratic leanings, but don’t do that. Just do the unbiased stuff.”Well, thanks, Ms. Palmer. And if we do seem a little Democratic at times, that’s understandable – there’s a fine line between liberalism and insanity.***We love this kind of Angel Alert!! Angel Alert!! – somebody gettin’ caught doin’ somethin’ good.An anonymous tipster e-mailed us: “I was shopping at an office supply store in the county and couldn’t help but notice your columnist Biff America/Jeffrey Bergeron in the next aisle talking to himself. He was filling a basket full of school stuff – pencils, erasers, notebooks, whatever. I remember being surprised because I knew he didn’t have kids. I was behind him when he paid (I think close to $40.00). He then walked to a basket in front of the store and dumped everything in and left. The basket was for the needy kids of the county’s back to school supplies. I read his column and don’t always agree with his politics, but you’ve got to give credit to his anonymous generosity.”***It’s Sunday, gentle readers, and we’re out getting the legs in shape for winter. If you hear about a search and rescue operation at St. Mary’s Glacier, well, we might be late for work on Monday.We’re out watching the ice yield to the climate …


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