Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column so relieved, liberated and even excited, now that A) we won’t have to hear about Kobe Bryant in court anymore and, 2) we don’t have to worry about any jury telling us he didn’t do all the nasty things we imagine he did (or does).Whew! That was a close one. We know you, like us, were rather disappointed to see Thursday’s news. Because, who doesn’t like to see a media circus surrounding a good, juicy criminal trial? Our biggest regret, however, is that we don’t have any Johnny Cochran-esque ultimatum-saying that we could all spout at random moments, getting a laugh from everybody else at the bar. You know, something like, “If the lederhosen he don’t wear-a, he was never at Cordillera! And if you believe Shaq is the real twit, ladies and gentlemen, you must acquit!” But, no, we get nothing like that. We tell you, folks, we got ripped off: The biggest celebrity trial to start the century off, and we get nothing. No catch-phrases, no jokes, no snafus that we can all point at and say, oh, my, how much more superior we are to you. It’s just plain un-American.The flip-side to this, though, is that we can all go on imagining Kobe is that nasty, fallen angel, the wolf in sheep’s clothing, or whatever you were thinking he was, and we don’t have to have a jury of our peers tell us we were wrong. We mean, really, who can handle people like that messing with our stereotypes and prejudicial assessments? It’s much better this way.And at the end of the day, we can all still take something away from this, a message or moral, if you will, and that is, if you find yourself alone in a hotel room … no, wait … The message is, if you have the best, highest-profile defense attorneys in the country … Let’s try that again – the moral is that if you commit a crime in Eagle County … That’s not it, either.Ah-hah, here were go: The moral of this story is that, even if your middle name is Bean (which is Kobe’s middle name) girls will still be attracted to you. ***Here’s a happy 30-something birthday wish to the lovely Carmel. “May we share many more happy years together. Love, Pete.”***It’s Friday, also known as Thank Your Favorite Legal Defense Team Day. We’re celebrating by visiting ours down at the jail. Let us know how you celebrate it each year by sending us photos at email@example.com, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just record the most appropriate opera libretto for all this on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re humming parts of the first act of “Rigoletto” …
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