Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column warning you not to pick up the phone – because the person on the other end might burden you with responsibility.And, really, who among us wants more of that? In fact, do we really want any?You tell us what you think, because we were, oh, flabbergasted: One of the family called up yesterday morning. Oh, just taking care of a few odds and ends, she said, casually adding, would you care to be the guardian of our children should I and the father meet a horrible, untimely demise?This is when you have to back up and explain, as we’re sure many of our readers in Summit Up Land would do: You do realize, we said, that we make a living (a very poor living, certainly poor enough that taking on three children would require financing more creative than our friends at Enron) writing a nonsense column? You do recall that we live in a flop-house populated by video game-addicted snowboarders, ne’er-do-wells and the occasional homeless person we’ve taken in out of pity (and tax credits)? You do realize, we asked, that we are single and childless because they have laws that would put parents like us in jail?Yes, yes and yes, she said, but it didn’t seem to slow her down. She was talking about schooling, and children’s needs and probably some other things, but we weren’t listening too closely because we were looking for air to breathe and the tunnel vision was sinking in and blurring and we barely got to the front door in time to open it and let in some oxygen.When we woke up, she was still talking and when she got to the part about it only being really 15 years until the youngest of the three girls was 18 and out of the house, that’s when we realized there isn’t enough fresh air on this whole planet to bring us out of this hyperventilation.But lucky for her, we’re pretty gullible and pliable when we’re in that augmented state of consciousness, because we said sure, sign us up, put us on the list (even if only because we’re positive it would give us a lifetime’s worth of column material).So, there’s your warning. Be careful when picking up the phone, because you could find out you’re a parent.***People are always stealing tools. Talk about a bummer. Maybe we need to just make a rule in this world that tools are free – if you’re like us when it comes to work, free tools might make the world a more productive place.Until that dream comes true, we’re sending out this Scum Alert!! Scum Alert!! to the hasty-witted codpiece that ganked Julianna’s tools. She owns Raindrops on Roses, a gardening business, but somebody probably wasn’t thinking of that when they took her entire toolbox out of her truck in Willowbrook Tuesday night.”The toolbox was just a plain gray one, but I had a large amount invested in the tools inside,” she said. She filed a police report and also placed a classified ad in this here rag offering a reward.Be on the lookout, field agents. And may the thief fall in thorny bushes.***An anonymous e-mailer wanted us to send out a Cheers! to the town of Breckenridge for trimming the trees at Carter Park.Yeahhhhhhhh! Trimmed trees! Yeahhhhhhhh!***It’s Saturday, but since it’s a three-day, holiday weekend, you can really call this a second Friday, but probably only if you had a good Friday. If you didn’t, you’re probably glad it’s Saturday and you could get away with calling Sunday a second Saturday, but you don’t have to worry about that until tomorrow. Let us know what you decide to do at firstname.lastname@example.org.We’re out playing house with the neighbor’s kids …
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