Summit Up |

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column letting the intelligence community in on a little thing called BLOGs.(For those who don’t know, a BLOG is the new term for Web log, which is what people post when they have nowhere else to put their thoughts – sort of like a diary that everyone in the world can read.)See, in our free time, we like to venture through the High Country looking for Osama bin Laden. So far, we haven’t found him. We found a few folks with long beards and walking sticks, but they took exception to our high-intensity interrogation techniques. And, they didn’t want a free trip to Cuba.The other day, though, we had an idea. Why don’t we try to e-mail Osama and ask him where he’s at. Sure enough, if you search around enough al-Qaida Web sites, you can find his contact information.What we haven’t found – yet – is an Osama bin Laden BLOG, which we thought would be a great idea. Every day, he could log on and let us know how mad he is at Americans.An example BLOG:” 8 a.m. from Deth2America:Today, I woke up around 8 a.m. and had a nice supply of goat’s milk. My kidney was hurting me a little, but a nice hike in the beautiful rock crops of Pakistan really helped, although, when I returned, I had to take a nap. I fell asleep right away, but some of my silly commanders woke me up with a big bucket of water. I jumped up and screamed, ‘Death to all Americans!’ We all had a good laugh.After a lunch of cheese and berries, I decided it was time to move camp. We’d seen a few helicopters surveying the area, which always means it’s time to move. Death to all Americans! was our mantra as we stepped over large boulders, climbed around loose roots and feasted on lamb shank and the juice of an exotic kumquat one of my captured men in Guantanamo Bay sent as a care package. It tasted sweet. Almost like an orange, but less sour. It kind of tasted like a mango, but sweeter than that. Anyway, it provided us with enough energy to cross the border back into Afghanistan and steal some U.S. Army rations. They hate it when we do that … Death to all Americans!”***We’ve been wondering what the heck you do with a large, empty elementary school. We know that the Christian school will be filling the empty halls of the old Silvy Elementary this fall, but what other choice did the school board have?That’s where the creative minds of Summit Up come in handy. We surveyed the monkeys we keep locked to typewriters, and they came up with a handy list of things we could do.&) Create a Summit branch of Mall of America. *) An indoor dog park. This would start to smell after a while, of course, but we’re sure those Christian school kids need a chore every now and then.%) Indoor tennis courts, anyone? For those not from Summit Up Land, we have a huge shortage of tennis courts, especially ones that won’t be closed in the winter.^) A visitor’s center. What says, “Welcome to Summit County” more than an out-of-the-way brick building that’s mostly empty? Oh wait. We’re already doing that.#) A banana museum. (We let the monkeys have one banana-related item per list.)@) Water storage. We need more water and, quite frankly, we need a few hiding spots from the evil forces behind Denver Water. The Christian school could be our guardians.***Money days are here again. We’ve run out of room, so you know the e-mail/voicemail drill.We’re out BLOGin’ …

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