Summit Up |

Summit Up

Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column that wouldn’t let Cat Stevens on a plane, either.Because, hippie or muslim, something tells us that guy doesn’t smell too good.Sorry, we couldn’t resist the cheap shot. More seriously, though, we bring this up as yet another in a long string of signs that the world has finally, utterly and irrevocably gone insane. We’re talking Andy Kauffman-and-Jeff-Dahmer’s-love-child insane.If you didn’t hear the news, the big brouhaha is that Stevens, who is now a muslim by the name of Yusuf Islam, was not let into the country earlier this week. Seems an airline wasn’t supposed to let him on the plane to fly into this crazy country because he’s on a terrorist watch list.Well, that’s pretty odd, you’re probably saying. How could the same guy who wrote “Peace Train” be on a terrorist watch list? The answer is, because of the friends he keeps. We’re not sure if they’re golfing buddies, in the same beard-trimming club or what, but apparently our government thinks Cat knows some radical clerics too well. And who can blame them. You can’t trust anybody these days. And if you need proof, well, fortunately Newsweek is on the job. The magazine this week published excerpts from a formerly secret (i.e. wiretap) tape of a conversation one of these radical clerics had with his lawyer (who, by the way, was recently prosecuted for aiding terrorists). You wish we were making this transcript up:

“Add Yusuf Islam,” the sheik tells his translator, speaking of a list of people that should be on their radical committee. “That singer … he was a famous singer, then God changed his life. That British singer.””Do you know this guy who was a member of the Beatles or something … and now he is a Muslim?” the interpreter asks the lawyer.”Is it Ringo?” the lawyer asks, puzzled. “Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr … the drummer, and the third one who was never around, George Harrison?””Maybe,” the interpreter replies. “He is one of those. He was one of the Beatles.””Oh yeah, he was the most famous,” the sheik says in agreement.Yes, folks, this is what we have to be afraid of. Very afraid.

***We occasionally throw out some oddball questions to our readers – just to get the cerebral gears in motion. Mostly they’re rhetorical, but after reading the questions in Wednesday’s column, George Grill came back with some even better answers. We had to share:- Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? George writes, “They do. Where do you think lambs come from?”k) Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? “No; 4 1/2.”) If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it? “No, it makes them very sad and afraid,” says George. “I, myself, have observed both weeping willows and quaking aspens.”) How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn’t live there? “In the Northern hemisphere the surface rises 9 feet (13.037mm). Below the equator, of course, the surfaces falls an equal amount.”

%) Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate? “Only if it is upside down.”@) If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don’t fill in? “They will in a few years. But then, if you keep picking the lint out, you’ll just have to live with the dent.”L) If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? ” Usually, but it depends on the size of the team and the depth of the pool. (You figure it out.)”***It’s the Saturday you’ve been waiting for all week, good readers. We know you’re busy, but let us know how life out there is at, fax at (970) 668-0755 or just shout how great it is on the voicemail at (970) 668-3998, ext. 237.We’re out, being followed by a moonshadow and these federal agents …

Support Local Journalism

Support Local Journalism

As a Summit Daily News reader, you make our work possible.

Now more than ever, your financial support is critical to help us keep our communities informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having on our residents and businesses. Every contribution, no matter the size, will make a difference.

Your donation will be used exclusively to support quality, local journalism.


Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.

User Legend: iconModerator iconTrusted User