Good morning and welcome to Summit Up, the world’s only daily column wondering what those Floridians did to make God/Allah/the Supreme Being of Your Choice so angry!Maybe it’s DisneyWorld, although we think God would have a good time on Blizzard Beach or Typhoon Lagoon. Hey, you get what you ask for, He’d say.We, personally, would be spending a lot more time, reveling in debauchery on Pleasure Island. Just sounds way too good to pass up.But before we get into our Floridian sob stories, we have a Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! going out to Celide, pictured somewhere on this page. This little cutie turns 5 today! The big, well, 5! Mom, Mama Fini and Papa Lew all say, “Happy, happy, happy birthday!”And we do, too!***Back to Florida.We, personally, have friends who live in The Path of Destruction and, despite the fact they are wrangling with insurance adjusters, lining up to get their daily allotment of ice and trying to keep alligators out of their front yards, they have a lot of time on their hands.Enough time to e-mail us things like the following:
Things we Floridians have learned:L) Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a barbecue grill. $) No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don’t work without electricity. ) Kids can survive four days – or longer -without a video game controller in their hand. ) Cats are really irritating without power. (EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re not sure what it is they do with cats and power down there, but we’ll take their words for it. End of Editor’s Note.) •) He who has the biggest generator wins. I) Women can actually survive without doing their hair. #) A new method of nonlethal torture: showers without hot water. ~) There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought. ) TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful. One day at a time, brother.
) A 7-pound bag of ice will chill six 12-ounce Budweisers to a drinkable temperature in 11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for eight more hours. %) There are a lot of trees around here. +) Flood plain drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong. b) Contrary to most Florida natives’ beliefs, speed limits on roads without traffic lights do not increase. ^) Just because you’re over 21 doesn’t mean you can stay out as late as you want. At least that’s what the cops told our son during a curfew stop. X) Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14 generators. =) People will get into a line that has already formed without having any idea what the line is for. 1) Some things do keep the mailman from his appointed rounds. ü) Telemarketers function no matter what the weather is doing.
) Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume. h) If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas and generators … I’d be rich. @) The price of a bag of ice rises 200 percent after a hurricane. ñ) Tree service companies are under appreciated. q) I learned what happens when you make fun of another state’s blackout. $) Florida’s New Math 101: 30 days in a month, minus six days without power, equals 30 percent higher electric bill!t) Drywall is a compound word. Take away the “dry” part and it’s worthless. ©) I can walk a lot farther than I thought.One more reason, folks, to be happy we live in the High Country, where the worst thing to happen is a phenomenal blizzard that closes the interstate, dumps four feet of powder on the slopes and forces everyone to call in snowbound.We out, praying for snow…
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